The Clapper Page #2
- R
- Year:
- 2017
- 89 min
- 254 Views
Chris's dog?
No, the dog's not
an optometrist, Judy.
[LAUGHS]
Unbelievable.
You know what would be
a good idea?
I mean, just off
the top of my head,
maybe put out some flash cards
for the customers
so they can hold up the cards
that say what they want,
like "cigarettes"
or "I want more gas" or...
- Lottery tickets?
- Yeah, lottery tickets!
when the speaker goes out.
Yeah, that would be
really helpful.
You always have
such good ideas.
Yeah, thanks.
- [SIREN WAILING]
- [HORN HONKING]
Oh, my God,
you're killing me!
I'm gonna get the gas, Judy.
- All right.
- Bye.
Bye, Eddie.
Pull the trigger,
dispense the nail,
and whack it in with one hand.
Or switch hands.
It'll feel like someone else
is whacking it for you.
[LAUGHTER]
So what you're telling me is,
"Goodbye, conventional hammer?"
You hit the nail
on the head, sir.
Goodbye, conventional hammer.
Goodbye, conventional nails.
Goodbye, conventional life.
And hello, Nailhammer!
- [SCREAMS]
- [AUDIENCE GASPS]
Much better
on the question, Eddie,
but, Chris, you have
to be laughing harder
when that sign comes on.
Your little chuckles
aren't gonna cut it anymore.
- No more chuckles.
- Right.
And, Alma, enough with
the sandwiches already, okay?
We're trying to do a show.
Stop with the eat...
I had two questions today.
That's like an extra 100 bucks.
Uh, sorry, word from above is
no more bonuses for speaking.
- Yugoslavia!
- Yes, ma'am.
Normal people
don't wear red, okay?
That guy, he got a nail
in his hand, right?
Thank you.
Thank you for the info.
This stuff is
so unless you have a SAG card,
I need you to keep it moving.
Excuse me! We're part
of the show, all right?
So we got every much a right
to that as anybody.
Chris, get whatever you want.
Okay, just... That's enough.
Use a plate.
There's napkins.
That's unsanitary.
EDDIE:
What's going on withthe sandwich police back there?
That was unbelievable.
These people walk all over you,
you know what I'm saying?
You know why?
'Cause we don't have a union.
That's what we need, a union.
- Yep, totally.
- That's what I'm saying.
You know what Rudy was telling
me, from market research?
Oh, not Rudy.
Yeah, he said that all
those shows in the '70s,
all those clappers
are all dead now.
I heard the same thing.
So how do they use the new ones?
They're all dead people.
- Using who?
- The new ones?
Yeah, they're like
dead people laughing.
- How is that even possible?
- That's crazy.
Wait, what?
Who's even telling the story?
- Who?
- Me. I'm telling the story.
Okay, if I wasn't
such an idiot,
I would feel like a moron,
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"The Clapper" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_clapper_19934>.
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