The Christmas Eve Page #2

- I can hardly wait.

Finally!

Look at him go!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Excuse you for what?

I don't feel very good.

- I feel better now.

- A chocolate chip!

Sweetheart?

Mind if I cut in?

Don't stop believing

Up and down the boulevard

I am a little Christmas angel!

Hey there, my sweeties.

Would you like the father

to finish the story for you?

Yeah?

The children were nestled

all snug in their beds,

- while visions of sugarplums...

- Were you tellin' 'em

The Night Before Christmas?

That's the best Christmas story ever!

- I'm the best teller ever!

- Cassius...

I got it committed

to memorization!

- Gather round!

- Cassius! Wait!

I'm supposed to tell

the Christmas story.

'Twas the night before Christmas

and I spent all-day

Finishin' up on my Christmas display

Now, missin' all this

would be nothin' but tragic

So just follow me

and I'll show you the magic

Now, out in the yard

in a glorious clutter

Is a spectacle there that'll

make your heart flutter

With 20-foot cheese balls

and a big eggnog fountain

And yodelin' elves

on an ambrosia mountain

A stage where acrobats

jump, leap and prance

And honor the day

through interpretive dance

But just when you think

the display is complete

The Christmas parade

comes right down the street

With holiday floats

all in silver and blue

With sugarplum fairies

and a reindeer or two

There's a baton-twirling

snowman all happy and perky

Magical peacocks

and a dancin' roast turkey

And right when you think

that you've just seen it all

Comes to a huge waffle Santa

that's 50 feet tall

Ho, ho, ho!

With syrup and butter

the sight just amazes

As it's flanked by a choir

all singin' his praises

- Cassius.

- Santa?

- Cassius!

- Santa!

Cassius!

Very inappropriate, pal.

Please, allow me.

Oh, Baitman, what's

your sidekick name?

- Plumber Wonder.

- Oh, he's not with us.

He's up against some sort of

"The Penguin Insuperable".

In my homeland, we tell

a very different stories

of Santa Nicholas.

He's not made of waffles.

This Santa was suave

He was nothing like that

The Santa I know was

a hot Plumber Wonder.

He was dressed all in a plumber

from his head to his wonder

And he stood their superhero

A truth Lazarus... Claus

The black is his boots

- And so is his cape

- D'oh-duh!

His Baitarang is a cane

that tastes like crab cake

He wears a good white belt

and a white and red L symbol

And there's a cute plumber thing

which hangs down from his hat

I have shamed myself.

- D'oh-duh!

- All right, everybody,

if you leave now,

you can beat the holiday traffic.

Choeng with all your

sunshine and lollipops!

Where I come from,

Christmas is a nightmare.

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes