The Change-Up Page #3

Oh, steer for me.

Mitch, come on, buddy.

Let's make it to the game in

one piece, don't you think?

Want to try that?

This Fiero, unfortunately, is airbag-free.

It's a work

day tomorrow.

Come on.

All right, I'll take one hit.

Oh! What the...

You motherf***er!

Let's just focus

on the driving.

Just say no, Reagan.

God, why would you do that?

Well, we're driving.

God!

This is a car carrying a lot of speed.

This is terrible.

Hit the steering wheel.

I'm going again!

(ALL CHEERING)

Whoo! Drink!

I'll drink to that. All right!

That was a strikeout.

Huh, what's going on?

It is good to see you again.

It's good to see you,

too, Dave.

What's going on

with the women, huh?

I've been seeing a number

of very, very nice ladies.

I got some pictures.

Wow.

That is Tatiana.

Tatiana.

What's her last name?

It's Tatiana Calls-me- at-three-in-the-morning-

and-wants-to-f***-stein.

Who gives a sh*t what her last name is?

(LAUGHS)

Mitch. Reminds me

a little bit of Sabrina.

Yeah! Wait,

who's Sabrina?

Sabrina. She's this...

(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)

She's this new law

associate at my work.

She's so hot.

Oh, Mitch, is she hot. Uh-oh.

She's like fall-out-of-a-magazine

hot, you know?

I bet she's number one

on your cancer list, right?

What is that?

Come on, you know what that is.

What is that?

Every married guy

has a cancer list.

It's the first three women

you'd have sex with

if your wife suddenly

died of cancer.

That's f***ing sick.

Come on.

That's the mother of my children.

Oh, I know.

But I'll play.

Yes, she'd be at the top of that list.

It's like a gift.

Yeah.

(LAUGHS) But I interrupted you.

Tell me about this one again.

God, last week,

Tatiana, she comes over,

she's wearing this

tight black mini-dress,

and you know

what she says to me?

Tell me slow.

No, nothing.

Because all Tatiana wants to

do at 3:
00 in the morning

is fucky, fucky,

rubber ducky.

This chick is insatiable!

She wants it in every

position under the sun.

God, you're so lucky.

We do the Wheelbarrow,

the Arabian Goggles,

the Lonesome Dove,

the Arsenio Hall,

the Jelly Donut, the Pastrami

Sandwich, the Wolfgang Puck...

And let me tell you something,

no man is that hungry.

What? I don't even

know what these are.

You're married. You're married, Dave.

That's true.

Anyway,

we start going at it

and it gets so intense

that my nose starts bleeding.

Come on.

This is Dracula,

Anne Rice-type sh*t

happening right

in front of me.

Good for you.

When all is said and done, when we

finish up, and the dust settles,

she looks up at me,

and she says,

"Mitchell, next Tuesday,

I am coming back here,

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