The Change-Up Page #2
Oh, my God.
Honey...
Don't even say that.
I'm so sorry. I suck.
Dr. Tillman said just once
a week, for one hour.
I'm sorry.
I know. I heard her.
And I want to sit and
talk with you for an hour
more than once a week,
but tonight, I cannot.
Why? What are you doing?
I promised Mitch
I would sit and watch
a game with him
tonight, and...
What?
Can we please just slide
I'm so sorry.
I can do Monday night.
Thank you.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
He's early.
Yeah, you'd be early, too,
if all you did all day
was eat hummus and masturbate.
What's hummus?
That is a Mediterranean
spread, honey.
What's master-ate?
It's a cracker.
Oh, hey, Mitch.
Your hair looks good.
Thanks.
Yeah, I had to cut it for a
f***ing tampon commercial.
CARA:
Uncle Mitch!(GASPS)
How's my favorite
ballerina doing?
Hi, Uncle Mitch.
Hi! Wow!
Gosh, you're so light.
Are you dieting?
Do you want to come
to my dance recital?
Oh!
No, honey.
The only style of dancing
involves a big, shiny pole, and a
broken woman with daddy issues.
(GROANS)
Yeah, story time is over.
Go fix your hair.
Ow.
Mmm, smells good
in here, Jame.
Mmm.
Ooh! Num-nums!
Vegetable medley!
How are you?
Good.
You're good?
Yeah.
Are you dating anyone?
Ooh! You know who I ran into?
Who?
Mrs. Hickham at a
Starbucks in Druid Hills.
Yeah.
I asked her out and she
wouldn't go out with me,
which is crazy, because I
nailed her in high school.
You did? I dated her mouth
for a full semester.
(LAUGHING) Okay.
Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs.
Is Dave meeting
your needs, sexually?
Yeah, I guess.
MITCH:
Good.Not really, mmm-mmm.
Ahh.
my face and say the alphabet.
That's going too far.
Oh!
Look at these
little f***ers!
What's your name? Hey.
What's your name?
What's your name?
Why can't they talk yet?
Are they retarded or something?
Don't say...
You can't say that.
Well, this one right here
looks a little Downsy.
Or that.
MITCH:
I'm kidding.A little bit, though?
No.
DAVE:
Pumpkin, we'll see youright after the game, okay?
JAMIE:
Have fun.I like it. Oh, God. (CRYING)
Let's go.
Okay. Bye.
(BOTH BABIES CRYING)
(SIGHS)
MITCH:
Mitch and Dave.DAVE:
Mitch and Dave,out on the town.
Oh, dude,
I didn't tell you!
I booked a major
movie role this week.
I auditioned for
a movie role, I got it.
Yeah, first one. Hey, good for you.
What is it called?
Untitled Awesome Movie.
Truly? That's the name?
Yeah.
Yeah. Good for you.
Do you want to hotbox this nut sack?
No, no.
I've got a big day tomorrow.
Take the wheel. Steer. Steering wheel.
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"The Change-Up" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_change-up_5298>.
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