The Canterville Ghost

"THE CANTERVILLE GHOST.

"UNIVERSALLY RENOWNED

AS THE MOST FEARSOME

IS THE NOTORIOUS GHOS "OF SIR SIMON DE CANTERVILLE.

"THIS REMARKABLE APPARITION

HAS MANIFESTED ITSELF

"IN A SPECTACULAR VARIETY

OF FORMS AND GUISES,

"EACH MORE AWE-INSPIRING

THAN THE OTHER,

"EXHIBITING THE SAME FLAIR

FOR THE THEATRICAL

"THAT REPUTEDLY CHARACTERIZED

SIR SIMON HIMSELF.

"THE ORIGIN OF THIS APPARITION,

SO LEGEND HAS IT,

DATES FROM A FATEFUL STAG HUN IN THE YEAR 1634... "

OUT OF THE WAY.

BELLMAN! BUGLER!

THRUST-HO,

SIR VALENTINE.

OW!

ANTHONY DE CANTERVILLE!

ANTHONY, WHAT HAVE I

DONE TO THEE?

IT'S MY ARM,

SIR VALENTINE.

THANK HEAVENS:

'TIS BUT THINE ARM.

WHY HIDEST THOU:

IN THE BRUSH:

LIKE A RABBIT?

I- I WAS PLUCKING

BLUEBELLS.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

BLUEBELLS?

A MANFUL PURSUI FOR A CANTERVILLE

IN THE HUNTING SEASON?

MORE MANFUL THAN YOU WOULD

IMAGINE, SIR VALENTINE.

METHINKS 'TWAS

THE WRONG STAG:

WE FLUSHED.

MY BRIDE-TO-BE!

ELEANOR?

ELEANOR!

HOW COULDST THOU,

ELEANOR?

THOU ART PROMISED

TO ME.

PROMISED TO THEE

NO LONGER, SIR VALENTINE.

SHE WAS WED TO ME

AT YESTEREVE.

WED?

THOU DARE STEAL HER

FROM ME:

KNOWING:

SHE WAS PLEDGED?

YEA.

I SHALL EXPECT SATISFACTION

FROM THEE, SIR,

AT BOLTON MANOR:

WITHIN THE HOUR.

ANTHONY!

THOU WOULDST NO BE SO BOLD, SIR VALENTINE,

WERE I POSSESSED

OF MY GOOD RIGHT ARM.

HA HA HA!

A PRETTY EXCUSE:

TO SNIVEL OUT OF IT.

SIMON!

MY BROTHER WILL:

GIVE THEE SATISFACTION.

SIMON, THE HONOR

OF THE CANTERVILLES

HAS BEEN QUESTIONED.

WHAT?

WHEREFORE DOST THY DAGGER

REEK WITH HIS BLOOD?

MY SWORD ARM IS PIERCED

TO THE BONE.

TAKE THOU MY SIGNET RING

AND FIGHT IN MY STEAD.

WHO? ME?

WHO ELSE?

COME, COME, SIMON,

PICK UP THE GAUNTLE AND FLING IT IN HIS FACE.

WHOSE FACE?

SIR VALENTINE'S.

OH.

GIVE ME THY RING.

BUT 'TWAS ANTHONY

WHO RAN OFF WITH MY BETROTHED.

HE DANCED.

HE SHOULD PAY:

THE PIPER.

A CANTERVILLE:

HAS BEEN SLIGHTED.

AND BY ONE:

OF AN UPSTART BROOD,

HONORED SCARCE:

200 YEARS.

I CHOOSE THE WEAPON

OF CHIVALRY-

THE LANCE.

THE LANCE?

YEA.

I'LL TEACH THEE

A KINSMAN IS A KINSMAN.

WHAT KEEPS:

THE POPINJAY?

MY GAUNTLETS,

DUNDERHEAD.

BY HEREWARD THE WAKE,

I'LL PIN HIM ON MY LANCE

LIKE A CAPON ON A SPIT.

THERE HE IS, SIR.

HMM?

THERE, SIR.

WHERE IS THINE ARMOR,

VALENTINE?

ALACK, SIR SIMON, I SUFFERED

THE MOST DREADFUL MISHAP.

HA HA HA!

SO I FELT OBLIGED

TO GIVE WAY TO MY COUSIN,

THE BOLD SIR GUY.

SHALL WE BE ON:

WITH THE MERRIMENT,

MY NOBLE MARSHAL?

BUT FAITH, VALENTINE,

IT WAS YOU-

AH, A KINSMAN

IS A KINSMAN.

SOUND THE ORDER:

OF COMBAT.

MAY THE RIGHT PREVAIL.

SIR SIMON!

HE'S BREAKING OFF.

COWARD!

AFTER HIM, SIR GUY!

FETCH HIM BACK:

ON YOUR LANCE!

AYE! HARPOON HIM!

HOIST HIM HIGH!

POLTROON!

I TELL THEE:

'TIS NO DISGRACE, MY SON.

BE THANKFUL THOU HAS A BROTHER TO WEAR THY SIGNET,

AND SUCH:

A CHIVALROUS BROTHER.

I RECALL THE DAY I WORE

MY BROTHER EDWARD'S SIGNE BEFORE GOOD QUEEN BESS.

UNHORSED SIX MEN IN A SINGLE

HOUR IN THIS VERY ARMOR.

BY SAINT PETER:

OF THE FETTERS.

SIMON MUST GO A LONG WAY

TO EXCEL THAT!

WHERE IS HE?

WHO?

THAT LILY-LIVERED

SON OF YOURS:

WHO SKITTERED OFF

IN TERROR BEFORE THE LANCE.

COWARDICE? IN ONE

WHO BEARS ON HIS NECK

THE BIRTHMARK OF THE

CANTERVILLES? HA! PREPOSTEROUS!

OOH, IS IT?

HA HA!

THEN WHAT MIGHT BE LURKING

IN YON ALCOVE?

A FAT QUAIL, PERCHANCE?

NO SON OF MINE:

COWERS IN ANY ALCOVE.

NO? THEN MILORD

CAN ASSUREDLY:

HAVE NO OBJECTION

TO THE SEALING UP

OF THE DOOR:

WITH:

STONE AND MORTAR.

I MOST CERTAINLY CAN!

I'VE TOO GREAT A REGARD

FOR MY HOUSE.

FOR YOUR HOUSE,

MILORD,

OR YOUR SON?

GILES, THOMAS!

FETCH THE STONEMASONS!

HASTEN!

HAVE WE NOT HAD ENOUGH

OF THIS PLAY-ACTING,

SIR VALENTINE?

ONE NEVER LEAVES

THE THEATER, MILORD,

UNTIL THE CURTAIN

HAS FALLEN.

AH!

CONTINUE.

FATHER!

IT IS I,

THY SON.

FORSOOTH,

A FAT QUAIL INDEED.

OR WAS IT THE WIND THA WHISTLED DOWN THE FLUE?

I HEARD NO SOUND.

SPARE ME! SPARE ME!

POSE THE LAST STONE.

POSE IT, I SAY!

BUT, MILORD,

'TWAS MEAN ONLY IN JEST.

LEAVE MY HOUSE!

IT IS THY SON!

GO!

SIMON DE CANTERVILLE,

BECAUSE THOU HAS SHAMED THY HERITAGE

AND DISHONORED:

THY PROUD BLOOD,

IN THAT TOMB:

OF THINE OWN CHOOSING

SHALL LIE:

THY WHITED BONES,

AND MAY THY CRAVEN SPIRI WALK THE HALLS

OF CANTERVILLE CASTLE

UNTIL A KINSMAN:

SHALL WEAR THY SIGNET...

AND PERFORM FOR THEE

THE BRAVE DEED:

THOU DIDST FAIL TO PERFORM

FOR THY KINSMAN.

"THUS GOES THE LEGEND

OF THE CANTERVILLE GHOST.

"AND TODAY,

AFTER 300 YEARS OF TERROR,

"CANTERVILLE CASTLE STANDS

SILENT AND DESERTED-

"A MUTE, FOREBODING MONUMEN TO THE FEARSOME PHANTOM

WHO STALKS:

THOSE SILENT HALLS."

AAH! AAH!

AUNTIE! AUNTIE!

I JUST SAW:

THE GHOST!

THE GHOST? WHERE?

ON THE ROOF:

OF THE CASTLE.

OH, THAT WAS

THE TINSMITH, DARLING.

OH!

I ASKED MR. PEABODY

TO ENGAGE HIM:

TO MEND:

THE WATERSPOUTS.

OH. BUT WHY, AUNTIE?

NOBODY LIVES THERE.

JESSICA, WE'RE TURNING

THE CASTLE OVER:

TO A PLATOON:

OF AMERICAN SOLDIERS.

AMERICAN SOLDIERS?

BUT, GOOD GRACIOUS,

CAN THEY LIVE IN THE

CASTLE WHEN IT'S HAUNTED?

YOUR FAMILY DID, DARLING,

TILL 20 YEARS AGO.

I KNOW,

BUT, AUNTIE-

AHEM!

WE'RE READY

TO LEAVE NOW, MA'AM.

THE HELPERS:

HAVE ARRIVED?

THEY'LL MEET US

AT THE CASTLE, MA'AM.

YOU'RE GOING,

AUNTIE?

OF COURSE.

GUESTS ARE COMING.

NOBLESSE OBLIGE.

MADAME, THERE'S SURE

TO BE A DOWNPOUR.

I'M AFRAID

THERE WILL BE.

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