The Butter Battle Book

Synopsis: A tale of two hostile neighboring countries, one country is occupied by the Yooks, while the other is occupied by the Zooks. Both countries don't agree with each others ideology. Due to this issue they ended up building a wall in between the border of the two opposing cultures. The main reason they hate each other is because both cultures have a different way of buttering their bread. The Yooks eat their bread butter side up while the Zooks eat their bread butter side down. The story is told by the perspective of a Yook border patrol guard who tries to outwit a Zook name Van Itch with the latest Yooks weapon. However every time the border guard presents his weapon, Van Itch would have a weapon that is able to counter attack the Yook's weapon. This leads to an arms race with results leading to a mutual assured destruction.
30 min

Not at all, my dear boy.

You did fine, my dear boy!

But the slingshot... dear

me, is an old-fashioned toy!

All we need is a little

more modern kind of gun.

My boys in the back

room have already begun

to think up a walloping

whiz-zinger one!

They thought up a

great one! They certainly did.

They thought up a gun

called the kick-a-poo kid

which they loaded with

powerfull poo-a-doo-powder

and ants' eggs and bees' legs

and dried-fried clam chowder.

And they carefully trained

a real smart dog named Daniel

to serve as our country's

first gun-toting spaniel.

Then Daniel,

the kick-a-poo spaniel, and I

marched back toward the

Wall with our heads held up high!

It's time that we bop them...

- ...those monsters that dwell...

...on the other

side of the Wall!

They're fookey and freaky!

- Kooky and sneaky!

They're rude and crude!

- They're frightfully lewd!

On the other

side of the Wall!

It's time that we bash them!

- My dear, that's truth?

They're ugly, unnatural...

- ...unkept and uncouth!

They're weird and suspicious!

- Obnoxious! - Atrocious!

They're rotten! - Malicious!

- They're gauche and horocious!

Repugnant! - Repulsive

they are! - We're refined!

They're crude! - They're nutty!

- They're out of their minds!

All the things they do...

- They're no good!

I never have met one, but

I hear that they're stinky!

On the other, other, other side,

other side, that other side of the Wall!


- Ready!



Fi... Fir...

Shoot if you must

with your wee tiny shooter,

but the boys in my back

room have rendered it neuter

with this eight-nozzled

elephant-toted boom-blitz.

It shoots high-explosive

sour cherry stone pits

and will put your dumb

kick-a-poo kid on the fritz!

Poor Daniel and I were

scared out of our witz!

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Butter Battle Book" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 2 Aug. 2021. <>.

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