The Big Gay Musical
Do I look fat?
I'm serious.
Do l?
Yes.
Yes, you look fat.
As big as a house.
I cannot believe you just said that.
And here I am, carrying your baby.
How do I know it's my baby?
Do you know what your problem is?
You've got a chip on your shoulder.
Yes.
Just can't.
And it's as big as a boulder.
I can't take it.
I can't take it, excuse me.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Sir, are you okay?
Yes.
I need a musical.
A BlG
GAY:
MUSlCAL!
Ladies and gentleman,
welcome to the first preview
of "Adam and Steve -
Just the Way God Made 'Em."
Before the show begins,
we need to let you know that
the show was rated "FLAMlNG"
by the Coalition of Christians.
But that doesn't mean it's
about homosexuals.
It just means, that if
you enjoy this show,
you'll end up burning in
hell, right next to us.
[Applause]
Hi!
I'm Adam.
And I'm his husband, Steven.
And this is our story.
In the beginning,
God created the Heavens and the Earth.
Wait a minute!
That's not how it's supposed to begin.
Sorry.
In the beginning,
God was... bored.
He was all alone in the universe,
and the thought of
being alone forever bothered Him.
He realized what he needed were
beautiful beings to entertain Him.
So, God created the angels.
And they were hot.
Each angel was hot...
and sexy...
and male.
God loved the angels, but soon
realized that He wanted more.
So, God created the Earth.
? He made the Earth full
ofbeauty and wonder. ?
? He made the skyfull
of stars like no one could. ?
? He made the oceans
and rivers and mountains. ?
? And He knew ?
? it was good. ?
? One day God came down to Earth
and summoned all His might. ?
? He took one look at
the darkness and said ?
Why the f*** is it
so dark down here?
Oh, that's better.
Aren 't they great?
Let's show 'em angels!
? It's God.
He's the one creator. ?
? It's God.
He's the entertainer. ?
? It's God.
He's the great orator. ?
? It's God.
He's the mastur... ?
[Gasp]
What?
He is the master.
? I am God. ?
? I created the plants
and the trees. ?
? I made all the animals -
the birds and the bees. ?
? I made everything that you see, ?
? but none of it satisfied me. ?
? I needed interaction and drama. ?
? I needed something
entertaining to see. ?
? I loved all the stuff
that I created, ?
? but it's like a nature show on TV.. ?
So God created a man.
Adam was just what God wanted.
A man to do the gardening,
take care of the animals.
But, Adam was lonely.
And, God wasn't very fond of what
Adam was doing with the animals.
[Baa...]
So God created Eve, a woman for Adam.
And they were happy.
For a while.
You couldn't even make
me something to eat?
Don't you start with me!
But the sh*t hit the fan when
they ate God's favorite fruit.
Here!
Eat this.
Jesus Christ!
Yes daddy?
Nothing.
Go back to bed.
It wasn't my fault. I swear.
It was a serpent.
Yeah, a serpent.
? And so I threw them both
out of my garden. ?
? What else was there for me to do? ?
? But then the garden
just seemed so empty, ?
? and I was depressed
and I was so blue. ?
Hey God.
Why don 't you try two men?
What the hell!
Let's try it!
? I made another Adam for my garden, ?
? but I didn't make another Eve. ?
? I made another man
a bit more sensitive, ?
? and I called him Steve! ?
? And that is how it all began, ?
? the story of Adam and Steve. ?
? Though it's not written
in the Bible, ?
? it's the truth from
above so believe. ?
? And now here's Adam and Steve. ?
? God bless Adam and Steve. ?
Just the way I made 'em!
Really good show guys.
Yeah, for a first preview, it
Where are you rushing off to?
I don't do stage doors.
What do you mean?
There's nothing I hate more than
people at the stage door.
They feel like they have to
tell you how good you are.
It's fake and awkward
and I just don't do it.
Oh look, Patti LuPone.
Do you always beat
the audience?
So far so good.
What about your fans?
My "fans"?
Yeah right.
Oh, I'm working at
'Mostly Sondheim' later,
so if you wanna stop by, let me know.
I cant wait to hear some fat
guy singing "All that Jazz."
I am telling you, Sophie."
That's what keeps me happy.
I'll see you guys later.
Yeah later.
Oh, I'm sorry!
No problem.
See you tomorrow.
Hey babe.
Great first preview.
See you soon.
Smiley face.
We are so proud ofyou.
You're gonna be such a
big starin New York City.
It's just Off-Broadway.
Just Off-Broadway?
to be starring in an Off-Broadway
show, and don't you forget it.
We just wanted to call and tell
you how proud we are of you.
And congratulations.
Thank you.
We have a surprise foryou.
We're coming to your
opening night.
Hey, we weren't going to
miss your big night, huh?
Hey, we've been to all the others.
How could we miss your first
New York City opening night?
The first of many.
Oh, great!
Hey, we should let you go
and enjoy your success.
Oh yeah, God bless.
We love you honey.
God bless.
I love you too.
Hi everyone.
Welcome to 'Mostly Sondheim!'
We have one hell of a crowd here.
'Mostly Sondheim' is like
an open mic night for show tunes.
Every song you sing has
to be from a show
or from a songwriter that
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"The Big Gay Musical" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_big_gay_musical_4046>.
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