The Babysitter Page #2

-Ow.

Um...

Huh.

Well... [sighs]

I think... you are at a time in your life

where a lot of things are scary.

But as you get older, those same things

will stop frightening you as much.

Okay?

It's gonna be okay.

[Cole] You should really get some

bug spray to kill the spiders in there.

What have they done to you?

They eat other dirty bugs.

Hey, will you get me a lemonade?

-Yep.

-Thanks.

Mom, I know "p*ssy" also means "vagina."

I'm not retarded.

Cole Johnson. Do not say "retarded."

-But I can say "p*ssy" or "vagi--"

-[drill whirring]

Don't say it, okay?

Go get me a lemonade.

Oh, my God, he said "p*ssy."

[man] Breathe in. Breathe out.

-Unclench that sphincter.

-[Cole] Okay.

-How those mirrors looking?

-Looking good.

Parking brakes?

Nope.

-Hands?

-Ten and two.

Engage.

[engine revs, fades]

Dad, did you know that seven teenagers

die a day from driving?

Really? Wow.

Did you know that, uh, 14 teenagers

die a day from over-worrying?

I went on the Internet,

and there's pictures of them.

They die like this:

Maybe next week.

All right, buddy, sure. You wanna swap?

-Yeah.

-Good. All right. You did good.

You started the car,

you put the seat belt on.

Don't worry about it, pal.

There's no rush.

It's okay to be scared.

It's not a big deal, okay?

Hey, let me ask you something.

Do your friends--

Do they make fun of you

for having a babysitter?

Yeah.

But then they see her

and get really jealous.

Yeah. Heck, yeah, they do. [chuckles]

I don't know about you, buddy,

but I'm feeling like a cop.

I'm craving some donuts.

[shouting]

[Dad] All right!

[both laughing]

What are you watching?

Your dad is bingeing on Mad Men.

Again.

You wouldn't like it.

It's on HBO?

-[chuckles]

-No, it's not-- It's not dirty, buddy.

It's not on HBO.

It's dense, you know.

So, it might go over your head.

When you get a little older,

we'll binge-watch it together.

How about that?

-[Cole] All right.

-Cole, will you clean up the toys

in the hallway for me?

Okay, Mom. Jeez.

Thank you.

[Cole] Much cleaner.

Who cares?

Hey. Oh.

Hey, that doesn't seem safe at all.

-I can handle it.

-Yeah. No, I get it.

Stop. Stop.

And hand me the knife.

Fabulous.

Why you cutting up your car with a knife?

I'm gonna switch the roof

with a fastback,

-so it's aerodynamic.

-Uh-huh.

It's gonna give me more downforce

on the turns.

When it hits the ramp,

it'll do a barrel roll

and smash into the crash zone

exactly how I intend--

Got it, got it.

I applaud your passion for aerodynamics.

I absolutely do, but only use this

if you're cutting a flank steak.

And don't do that. That's my job.

And if you take that job,

what am I doing at this house?

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