The Art of the Steal Page #3

I've got something far more

dangerous than that.

Is it a whistle that you blow

to summon the real police

when a crime

is being committed?

No. It's actually a pen.

And, with it,

I can deny your parole.

So why don't you shut the hell

up and follow my lead?

Where's the f***ing painting,

fucko?

Whoa.

My name is Agent Bick. This is

my associate, Samuel Winter.

[NICKY] I know Sam.

Sam, what are you doing

with Dirty Harry, here?

You know how they pair

professional athletes

- with slow kids?

- Yep.

It's kind of like that.

Two weeks ago, this painting

"Model, Rear-View"

by Georges Seurat was stolen by

an art collector in Mexico City

by a woman we had

under surveillance.

Yeah, I've never seen

that woman before...

...before yesterday.

Do I look like

a f***ing clown to you?

Clowns try to be funny. You're

just unintentionally hysterical.

- [LAUGHS] - Shut your giggle

hole and open the damn case.

It's called "Tio Puno Loco".

Which translates

"Uncle Crazy Fist."

Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me,

I've got to water ski...

Sit down! Winter,

this is not "pointerism".

Every painting tells a story.

All good art tells a story.

This one tells two.

[SAM] Say Nicky here

is stopped at Customs.

All they see is this rubbish,

not the masterpiece underneath.

Acetate solution loosens

the top acrylic layer.

Peel it on back and you're left with

the original oil painting underneath.

[BICK] What the f*** is that?

It's a marvelous picture. I'm delighted

to have it as part of my collection.

Well, boys, have a nice day.

Where's the Seurat?!

Long gone.

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC]

- Sunny.

- Yeah. How'd it go?

Ah, it went.

Bad luck, chief.

You got the money?

There you go.

It feels a little light.

Well, why don't you open it?

"I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for hitting you

with a lead pipe."

What the f***...

[GRUNTS]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Crunch, honey,

we're out of ice.

[CRUNCH] Oh yeah, all right.

Thank you, Crunchie.

Adios, fellas.

Ice? $50 for ice?

It's wintertime.

Crunch, she's, she's not

even trying anymore.

Happy wife, happy life, right?

So you say.

Oh, I don't know, Francie.

When I was a young buck

I thought I'd make history,

not just sit there

reading about it.

Hell, I thought

I'd be a great man.

OK, so you're not...

stereotypically great,

like Alexander the Great.

But you're great like,

great like, like...

You're a great guy!

Great men don't take dives

for a couple of hundred bucks.

And great men

don't miss their fate.

Somewhere along the line I...

I missed mine, Francie.

I was probably staring at

it the whole time and I just...

I missed it.

My God, you're a downer.

A f***in' boner killer.

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