The Alarmist Page #2

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Okeydoke.

Thanks again.

So this is your security code.

Just come with me.

I'll explain it.

Now you press the security code

in here.

When this little doohickey

starts flashing, right now...

you're in activated mode.

Now, if you want to leave,

you have to exit the front door...

and lock it within 90 seconds.

Then if you want

to deactivate it...

you just press in the code again,

and off.

Seems easy enough.

It is. It's very easy.

Just make sure

to explain the code to--

Howard.

He's at basketball practice.

- He won't be back for hours.

- Really.

You porking this broad?

Yeah, I got it.

It's red. It's hot.

You have to check it out.

Hello,

I'm with Grigoris Security.

I am sorry I'm late.

May I come in?

Of course.

No need to apologize.

- Come in.

- Thank you.

I am so very sorry.

- This is a beautiful house.

- Thank you.

Hello, I'm Thomas Hudler...

from Grigoris Home Security

Systems.

Nice to meet you.

May I be seated?

Would you like some coffee?

I wouldn't say no.

Lovely woman.

I'm sorry

if I've kept you waiting.

- This was her idea.

- Pardon me?

The whole thing was her idea.

What you're selling,

we don't need it.

I told her,

but she doesn't believe it.

Perhaps.

But if I might just--

All right.

Here we go.

- Thank you.

- Would you like some cream?

I told her to call you

and tell you not to come.

Just let the young man speak,

Henry.

As long as he's here, just--

Fine!

- Go ahead.

- Thank you.

Do you know that there is a burglary

in this country...

every ten seconds?

It's a frightening statistic.

Now, we've found

that most people have...

at one time or another, investigated

a home security alarm system.

- Not me.

- Of course not.

- But--

- Listen, I'm not worried. You know why?

- Why?

- Because I know what's going on.

I know. Don't think I don't,

because I do.

You wait a second.

- Is he coming back?

- Yes, he'll be back.

I think so.

That's a very nice tie.

Where did you get it?

Oh, my.

- Ow.

- Look at this.

It's a semiautomatic.

I converted it myself to a full

automatic. I bought this kit.

Shoots 90 percent faster

at the same ammo dollars.

Kit cost me 139 bucks.

I bought it in Florida.

We went to the Epcot Center.

Have you been there?

You should go.

I'll certainly try.

Look at this.

I got a .357.

Now, it has a more potent cartridge

than a nine millimeter--

a lot more stress

on the recoil--

but what the f***, right?

Anybody tries

to break in here, blam!

I'll blow his f***ing face off.

Recognize it?

That's an AK-47.

That's the kind that guy mowed down

those kids on a school yard with.

That's good.

I got grenades too.

Those seemed a bit excessive.

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