The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert: The Bus from Blooperville Page #3

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Anyone else?

No. Witchety grub. Your turn.

I spy with my little eye

something beginning with "R".

Rectum?

Ring pirate?

Road?

Alright. What's the matter with you?

- Nothing darling.

- Don't darling me, darling.

Look at you. You've got

a face like a cat's arse.

- Come on. Fess up.

- I'm just worried about the show, that's all.

- Like, we haven't done any rehearsals yet and...

- We've got two weeks for Christ's sake.

That's plenty of time to rehearse.

Now what is your problem?

It's not a problem. I just want this show

to be good. That's all. It's got to be good.

How the f*** did you get

this job Mitzi my darling?

I mean, who is this fish who runs this bloody

hotel in the middle of nowhere anyway?

- Your mother?

- No, my wife.

What? Don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend

tucked away out here somewhere.

No. My wife. I'm married.

And when the joint bank account

ran dry after a couple of years

I guess I prefered her

wedding ring to mine.

So no drama.

We swapped and

called it a day.

This is getting too weird.

You and a woman?

What did she used to do for kicks?

Put a bucket over your head

and swing off the handle?

You know there are two things I don't like

about you Felicia... Your face.

So how about shutting both of them.

Well at least this explains

your abysmal batting average Mitz.

I often wondered why your

dance card was so empty.

I take it you never

got a divorce then?

Well girls, what can I say?

Here's to a secret very well kept.

Shame it's not going to

stay that way. Isn't it?

Got any more surprises

you'd like to share with us?

Haven't got any kids stashed away

out there as well have you?

Look. I haven't lied about anything.

After six years I get a phone call

out of nowhere screaming for help.

And Christ knows I owe her a couple of favours.

I'm sorry that I never told you.

I'm not sorry that you're here.

Don't worry about it dolls.

I'm as jealous as hell.

What?

So was it a big wedding?

Get lots of pressies did we?

I just wish I was

old enough to be there.

I would have bought you a lovely matching set

of hers and hers bath mats.

- Give it a rest.

- Not on your life.

Mitzi the magnificent

and her blushing bride.

Mowing those lawns must have been

murder on those heels though.

All right Felicia, that's enough.

Let's put some money in that

seething cesspool mouth of yours.

If I win this game, you will

never mention my wife,

ever, in my presence again. OK?

- And if I win?

- Name your price.

Well now, what would I like more than

anything in the world?

Snap, better be quick.

What the f*** am I doing?

Take that bloody frock off Felicia.

Don't make it worse than it is.

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