The 40-Year-Old Virgin Page #3

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Stop, man! Why do you

always come and kill the vibe

with those things?

"Sharing the same heart,"

that's like some...

Britney Spears sh*t, man.

This is three grown ass men,

don't nobody want to hear

that sh*t.

Yeah, man, come on,

nobody wants to

hear that sh*t.

Thank you, Andy.

Dude, you broke up

two years ago.

You get over it

at some point.

Two years, man.

You need to get past that...

because no ass

is worth thinking

that much about...

I always say.

Andy, do me a favor.

Would you please help him

redeem himself by telling

a real sex story?

Yes.

I don't... You know what,

I'm a gentleman

and I don't...

I don't kiss and tell.

F*** it, I raise you.

Nastiest sh*t

you've ever done.

I'm talking about nasty.

Wow.

So many stories

are running through

my head right now.

I dated this girl...

for a while, and she was

really a nasty freak.

She just loved to get down

with sex all the time.

She was like, any time of day,

she was like:

"Yeah, let's go.

I'm so nasty."

And I'd be nailing her.

Oh, sh*t.

She'd be like:

"Oh, you're nailing me. Cool."

She talk dirty to you?

She loved to dirty-talk.

Totally into it.

She'd be like:

"Yeah, let's screw, let's...

I wanna f***."

God, it was so dirty.

She'd be like, "Me so horny,

me love you long time."

So...

(Jay)

So what were the titties like?

Yeah, describe her...

Yeah, she had great tits.

No, I mean, like, detailed.

Did she have, like,

you know...

them little pink

teeny nipples.

Oh, yeah.

(Jay)

Or like the long

National Geographic nipples.

You have like

the bumpy Braille nipples,

the Stevie Wonders.

(Andy)

Yeah, they were nice.

You know, when you, like,

you grab a woman's breast

and it's...

And you feel it and...

it feels like a bag of sand

when you're touching it.

Bag of sand?

You know what I mean.

Why don't we just play?

Why don't you just

deal the cards?

What are you

talking about?

Have you ever felt

a breast before, man?

Yes.

Dude, are you gay?

No, I'm not gay.

I've been with

tons of women.

I touched a guy's balls

at Hebrew school once.

Dude, it's not a big deal.

You like to f*** guys.

I'm cool. I got friends

who f*** guys, in jail.

No, I'm not gay.

No, I've borked a lot of women

in my day.

You've "borked"?

Hold up.

Yo, answer this question:

Are you a virgin?

Are you a virgin?

Yeah, not since I was 10.

It all makes sense.

You're a virgin.

I am... Shut up.

How does that happen?

He's a f***ing virgin.

I knew it. That makes

so much sense, man.

Look, he's a virgin.

You guys are hilarious.

All right, come on,

don't be mean.

I'm not being mean.

I'm trying to

help the partner out.

I'm trying to say

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