The 40-Year-Old Virgin Page #2
end up a lampshade...
in some creepy apartment,
that's what I'm saying.
I don't really see
any other options.
Andy. My man.
You got any plans
later on tonight?
Why, do we have to unload
the Sony truck?
No, the guys
are getting together,
we're playing some poker...
thought, you know,
you'd wanna play.
With you guys?
Yeah, sure.
That would be cool.
You know how to play, right?
Yeah, I play online sometimes.
We're gonna play
in the store.
Great.
Are we allowed
to do that?
Absolutely not.
Yeah.
Oh.
Well, so I'm gonna
go tell Paula.
I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
That sounds great. Cool,
I'll see you guys tonight.
Okay.
All right.
[clattering]
Oops.
I almost feel guilty.
No, you don't.
Going down!
Going down!
Dumbass.
And a full house.
Oh, my dukes!
What?
How much f***ing online poker
do you play, dawg?
For like an hour or two
a night, when I'm not
playing Halo.
Why did you invite this guy?
He's a f***ing ringer, man.
This is hog sh*t.
You, you're a f***ing a**hole
to tell me to come here.
You tell me he was a nice guy,
didn't you?
Well, f*** you people,
and f*** you, you and you...
f*** and kiss my big brown
f***ing ass, okay?
(Jay)
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
Peace.
All right, man.
(Mooj)
F*** a goat.
[all laughing]
Good night.
I love that guy.
Dude, you totally...
Oh, sh*t, I gotta go. Damn.
About to go see Ellen
in a little bit.
Going now?
Late-night action, huh?
Dude, you know
how it goes.
Does your girlfriend know
about all these
late-night visits?
It's like an unspoken
agreement. Yeah.
It's like a completely
and utterly unspoken
agreement.
If you knew her, if you knew
who I was dealing with...
you wouldn't be
saying this sh*t.
There's nothing you can't do
with this woman...
straight up and down.
I've done
every single thing...
and made love to the arches
of her feet. All right.
Wow!
(Jay)
Yeah.
Foot f***!
That's sick, man.
Wow.
That is not sick.
I will give you sick.
Oh, sh*t.
I was sleeping with a woman
recently, she had the...
Her tits were unbelievable.
Oh, man, I love titties.
And so we're doing it
and I'm about to finish...
and her dog starts
licking my ass.
I swear to God, I have
to decide, do I finish
or do I stop the dog?
I know your nasty ass.
He finished.
I finished.
And then I stole the dog.
No, I didn't, but...
You know, sometimes,
Amy and I would make love...
till it was almost like
we weren't two people...
but we were two spirits
or something.
Our souls were
connected in this way,
I can't describe it.
Time stood still.
It was like we were
sharing the same heart.
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"The 40-Year-Old Virgin" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_40-year-old_virgin_1719>.
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