That Guy ... Who Was in That Thing 1

---

1

People are always saying to

me, "do I know you?"

I say, "Yeah, it was that bar

in Waco, remember?"

They go, "oh."

And they sort of walk away.

[upbeat music]

No, no one knows my name.

"Yeah, Jay, it's him, it's him."

They know they know me, but

they don't know from.

"We go to college?

Did you live--do you live in

Seattle?"

I remember I was in Hawaii,

and somebody said, "do you

live in Seattle?"

I said, "well, I've spent time

in Seattle."

I'm that guy.

As my fans apparently tell me.

"Oh, mom, that guy's on again.

That's--it's that guy."

"You know that guy.

You know, that guy.

You know that guy who was in

the other movie.

He was in that TV show.

That guy."

If I never have a career like

George Clooney, the big movie

star that he is, I can live

with that.

But if I can have a career like

Tom Wilkinson who does great,

great supporting roles like

every time out, I could--

I could die a happy man.

I remember being about seven

years old and I ran downstairs,

and I went into my dad's office

where he was working away.

And I said, "dad, I know what

I want to do."

And he said, "what?"

I said, "I want to be a movie

actor."

And he laughed and just said,

"well, son, you know, that's

a--that's a pretty tough life."

I have an uncle who was an

actor, Henry Gibson, who I grew

up watching on television on

"laugh-in."

So it didn't seem like that

impossible to me.

I remember at 15 wanting to

be an actor because I watched

a lot of films with my dad,

watched a lot of the, you know,

the early "bond" films,

"Spartacus,"

all of John Wayne's.

I'm a little kid.

Every time I go to the movies,

I get my popcorn, and I get

my M&M's and I dump the M&M's

in the popcorn and shake 'em up.

[laughs]

And I'm, you know, sitting

there alone in the dark,

you know, or I'm hanging out

with somebody, and it's like

magic is about to happen.

And I still get excited

about it.

There's all these pictures

of me playing Robin hood when

I was, like, three.

I think I pretty much never

wanted toys.

I just wanted costumes.

When I was a-a youngster,

I had a little 45 record

of Claude rains doing

"David and Goliath."

And if I ever was in a

position where I had to go to

bed and there was company,

I would do Claude rains

doing "David and Goliath."

And I'd stay up for hours.

[as Claude Rains]

"This is the story of

'David and Goliath, ' the young

Shepherd boy and the giant."

And, you know, the adults would

all fall down because it's

coming out of a kid.

It's--you know, it's just

something I could do and then

I didn't have to go to bed.

In the third grade, there--

My friend Elaine Rosen was in

a play.

She was in the fourth grade,

and she got to play the king.

And the king got to eat cream

puffs.

And I'm not being facetious.

It made such an indelible

imprint on me, that this would

be really cool.

Everybody looks at you, and they

give you cream puffs.

And then it should be this

great thing when you arrive.

You know, it's like this idea

of, you know, Hollywood heaven

that you'd go into.

It's just f***ing not there.

I just knew there was

nothing else that made any sense

to me.

I don't feel I made a choice.

It was--it was--I mean, I made

a choice of what school to go

to based on that, and I made a

choice of how to go about it,

but I didn't--I didn't make a

choice because there were other

options.

There were no other options.

I don't know too much else

but acting, and a little bit of,

you know, I can read statues

in Latin.

The idea that you could learn

lines and become another

character by saying those lines

just thrilled me.

When I was a kid and I wanted

to be an actor, I wanted

recognition.

And I wanted to walk down the

street and people go,

"there's that guy."

And when it actually happens,

it is a--it's--it's a weird

experience.

I always thought I was a

character actor.

And, you know, I-I think

it's one of the coolest things

that--that anyone can be called.

I didn't used to.

I was like, "a character actor?

Am I that ugly?"

I guess character actor means

you're not the one that everyone

wants to go to bed with.

I don't know what character

actor means anymore.

It used to be character actor

was like, you know, the fat guy

or the skinny guy or, you know,

the guy with the nose--

You know, like this which is not

that far from my nose.

He's--he could be the bad

guy.

He can be the good guy.

He can--normally, he's--he

motivates the story, you know.

He's the one who robs the bank

or is the, you know, the father

of the leading guy.

I move plot is my--as I

jokingly tell my wife.

You know, I'm often in a

trailer.

You're watching the trailer and

you're, like, "oh, what's this?

What's this about?"

And right then I go--

[snaps fingers]

"You're bankrupt, sir."

Like, "oh, that's what the

movie's about.

Oh, I see.

It's a romantic comedy."

I like to say I'm a working

stiff actor.

People do have this

misconception that unless you

are Steven Spielberg or

Jack Nicholson or whoever,

fill-in-the-blank, that you're

nothing.

If you're lucky enough,

you're going to get to make your

living somewhere in the middle

without getting too much

attention, but working enough

that you can actually make a

living at it, you know.

And it's kind of ideal in a way.

And the bottom line is,

did you get the job?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes