That's My Boy Page #2

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

DONNY:

So, guy, how'd we do?

What them f***ers

at the IRS say?

Well, they said

a lot of stuff.

The thing that

really jumped out

was "three years in prison."

Three years?

Yeah, you haven't paid taxes

since '94, Donny.

What. . . I thought they were

taking it out automatically!

I told them

that's what you thought,

and they said

it's the stupidest thing

they ever heard.

But there is

some good news.

If you can pay

the balance off by

the end of the weekend,

they'll suspend

the sentence.

Oh, okay, there you go.

What are we talking about?

Hit me.

43,000.

43 grand?

No!

Come on, Donny!

Don't screw up

my Tom Brady poster.

It's my favorite one.

Look at that jawline.

Just the right amount

of scruff.

I'm sorry!

I'm just freaking out here!

I don't got 43 grand !

Well, look,

hey, good news.

Monday's Memorial Day,

so you don't need

to get the money

till Tuesday.

All right. That'll

give me time to sell

my diamond Lamborghini !

Hey, hey, hey!

You're killing me, man !

Don't mess

with the genius.

Jimmy, I got $28 to my name.

28, huh? Okay.

I got a hot tip

on a long shot that

just might come in.

What is it, a horse?

No.

This is Tubby Tuke, fat guy.

Fat guy?

Gonna run the marathon.

Odds on him winning

are 8,000-to-1 .

But this cat's

got wheels on him.

I think he's gonna win,

I really do.

All right, I'll put 20

on the fat f***,

but I can't

count on that.

It's a long shot,

you said it yourself.

But what about your kid?

Maybe he can come up

with the dough.

We don't talk no more.

He kind of moved out

when he turned 1 8,

and, uh, that's

the last I seen of him.

What happened?

I don't know.

I loved that

little Han Solo

more than anything

in the world, too.

You named your kid

Han Solo?

Yes, sir.

Han Solo Berger?

Coolest name

in the world, right?

Why don't you

just Facebook him?

I can't afford that sh*t.

What am I, a billionaire?

I don't think he wants

to be found, anyways.

Especially by me.

Hey, look! It's us!

(SHRIEKING)

On the cover!

Don't we look great?

Yeah, well,

you look good.

I kind of look like

a ventriloquist.

(CHUCKLES)

I don't know, it's still

kind of weird, right?

I mean, it's got our

faces and our names.

It just seems like

anyone could find us.

"Find us?" Honey,

did you take

your Xanax today?

Yeah, two.

I always double down

when your parents

are in town.

Do you have

your security undies?

Yep, right here.

Good.

I know that makes

you feel better.

There's stranger things

than walking around

with an extra

pair of underwear

for emergencies.

Look, just this once,

don't be so weird.

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