That's Carry On Page #3

( Scraping )

( Scraping continues )

Relax, Mr York.

Now, Mr Bishop, will you sit down, please?

There.

- Now...

- What? What, what?

You can't sleep in those.

That's quite all right. I can take them off.

- With one hard?

- Yeah, yeah, I can manage. Thank you.

You two ladies just turn your back.

Wait! What's going on?

What a sauce! Nurse, please.

Ooh...

What a fuss about such a little thing.

# Orchestra tune up #

# Virtuoso piano playing #

Whoa...

Anything wrong?

No, very nice, thank you.

Phew...

# Piano cadenza #

Er, just a minute, Mr York.

Hello, what's that?

For your bowels. Sit down, please.

Have you er... given one of these before?

Oh, good gracious. Hundreds.

Get it down, now.

Other end, Nurse.

Never mind. With a face like mine,

it's a mistake anyone might make.

MAN:
Come in.

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, Colonel.

To what do I owe the honour of this visit?

- You're going back into the ward tomorrow.

- That's right.

We have to carry out just one final test.

- It'll only take a few minutes.

- That's all right.

( Hushed ) Hey! What goes on?

We're getting our own back on the old boy.

Oh, he's a sport.

By the time we're through with him,

he'll need to be.

WOMAN:
How fortunate I met you, Matron.

Matron.

I have a lot to do today, Sister.

I must get through my rounds early.

- Everything won't be ready.

- Oh, quite all right.

I do hope our troublesome Colonel

won't delay me too long today.

- ( Knock at door )

- COLONEL:
Come in.

Good...

Colonel! Whatever's going on?

Come, come, Matron. Surely you've seen

a temperature taken like this before?

Oh... ( Chuckles )

Yes, Colonel, many times,

but never... with a daffodil.

Fancy being lumbered with a daffodil.

We were always being lumbered

with something, espcially names.

Like Hope Springs.

Dan, Dan, the sanitary man.

Miss Easy Rider.

Private Widdle.

- But there's one name they couldn't call you.

- What was that?

Miss Allcock.

Ooh!

Hup! Monica, dear.

Keep it hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

Hup, hup, hup! Halt.

Feet apart. Spring.

And relax.

How do you do?

So pleased to meet you.

- Miss Allcock.

- Mr Grigg.

Are you satisfied with your equipment,

Miss Allcock?

Well, I've had no complainted so far.

Do you find mental relaxation

follows physical activity?

Oh, always.

Do you favour the Swedish method?

Well, I always say

it's the same the whole world over.

( She giggles )

Shall we have a demonstration,

Miss Allcock?

Right-oh.

Hands on hips, please.

And... to the left, two, three.

To the right, two, three.

Forward, two, three.

And up!

Hands above head, place.

Fast-forward, bend.

You're drunk!

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