Terminal Velocity Page #2

There you go.

Dip your left shoulder

and move to the left. Feel that?

Stay in the middle,

you're flyin' stable. How's that feel?

I don't know. I'm not very athletic.

It's not too late

to switch to tandem.

Oh, we'll stick with this,

as long as it's safe, I mean.

Very safe. Let's get you out of

the harness and go find you a jumpsuit.

How about this?

It's cute, but it's a little baggy,

don't you think?

- How about this gray one? It's smaller.

- I think the orange works.

- Cool.

- Do I have time to make a call?

I promised my roommate one last chance

to talk me out of this.

- Sure. Phone's over there.

- Great. Thanks. What about this?

- I'll take that into the locker room for you.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- She's gorgeous but cheap.

- What's that?

- Your new student. She's stingy.

I offered to tape her jump,

special introductory price: $59.95.

She played me like a video game.

Maybe you could talk her into it.

I got something else in mind.

- It's 12:
30 now.

- Uh-huh?

We do the jump,

grab a Coke afterwards,

talk about our bonding experience

on the way down.

Leave her a message

around 5:
00, 5:30...

- "Hey, what's up? It's me, Ditch. "

- Right. Dinner.

- Yady-yady-yada.

- Yady-yady-yada.

Her place. Kick the stuffed animals

off the bed by 9:45.

- I'm home by 11:30.

- In time to watch Leno.

- Yep. What do you think?

- I say go for it.

I'm all over it.

Up you go.

Dirt alert.

- Huh?

- You only hear this for eight seconds.

- And then what?

- Splat.

Scattered clouds.

You wanna go upstairs?

Maybe

six grand, huh?

- Just find us some good air.

- Roger.

Still got a few minutes.

Just relax.

Between your legs?

- Best seat in the house.

- Why do you pretend that that's what you're about?

What makes you think

I'm pretending?

Because I'd be stupid to trust

my life with a walking penis.

And I'm not stupid.

I'm much more than a walking penis.

I'm a flying penis.

Yes, you are.

Remember:
hard arch

into the wind.

Now, your chute opens automatically,

but look up and check it.

Be sure that it's opened. If it hasn't,

cut away. Use your reserve.

Hello.

I'm over here.

I thought I saw another plane.

Is that safe?

- We got company?

- Not that I see.

- Let's get ready to jump-run.

- Mmm.

Now when you fi...

Jesus!

Ahh! Pull your cord!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Ah! Ah!

Sh*t.

Hold it.

We used to joke

about it, didn't we?

'Bout some student hittin' the dirt

and diggin' in like Wile E. Coyote.

I saw her, man.

I was right here

videotaping landings.

I saw her bounce.

I don't think we'll be

joking about it anymore.

What happened, man?

How'd she get

away from you?

I'm very calm!

We're flying. I looked back...

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