Teacher of the Year Page #2

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but it's hell.

But it's hellish.

It's like a burning inferno of hell and hatred.

It's terrible.

Think of us as like a two-headed dog.

Mmm-hmm.

And we're sitting on that

River Styx in a boat...

...Right, and we gotta take you across.

You can't swim to the River Styx.

No, you can't.

You can't do that.

I'd like to...

...see you try it.

I wish you could try.

I dare you.

You're going to burn your legs off.

But you get with us...

You're in the boat.

We take you across.

We guide you to...

...where you need to go.

We get you to hell.

Yeah.

I think the secret is,

we know everything,

assume that they know nothing.

You have to start from that point and then...

...work your way backwards.

Or forward.

Forward.

Or laterally.

Yeah.

You asked when the applications are...

...due for UCLA.

Those were due yesterday.

Yesterday.

Yesterday.

So, that is, uh...

Ouch.

A no-can...

That's a no-fly zone.

That's not good.

Yeah, so, uh, forget about

that one. USC tomorrow.

Exactly, so, six essays,

you knock 'em out tonight.

You're good to go.

5-Hour Energy.

Pop one of those in your mouth, boom,

boom, boom. You're gold.

Get a get a couple of Coke Zeros and...

None of those calories.

But you are still learning and you...

...are still staying awake.

Can she...

... Can she do that?

You just hop out...

...of here right now...

...and just start on that process?

She can't?

She can't.

Okay.

Look, you...

...cram it tonight.

Tonight. You'll get in there tonight.

The problem is that teaching...

...is tougher today.

Because they put hormones in the milk,

so the girls start to menstruate...

...at a younger age.

It's awful.

How do you know that?

Morning, guys.

Hey, morning, Wendy.

Morning, Wendy.

That's a lot of wrong answers there, Eric.

Mmm-hmm.

Hey, check it out,

Wendy's not wearing...

...any underpants today.

Jesus, do your kids know anything?

That grading machine

sounds like gunfire.

I am aware of the results, Brian.

You guys are worried

about tests? She's going...

...commando. You kidding me?

Did you see these scores?

Dude, I know you're

married, but just look for...

...my sake, would you please?

The average is 14.

I can't even talk to you.

Do you have a penis?

Hey, Wendy. I brought

that vanilla creamer...

...that we both enjoy.

Bam.

Belly button showing.

Bam.

Cell phone and belly

button showing, that's two.

Enjoy your Saturday, with me.

Uh, hey there, Marv Collins,

assistant principal and dean...

...of students at Truman High.

Actually,

Mr. Collins, you can...

...just look at me.

So uh, you help Principal

Douche run the school.

Principal Douche does not need my help...

...running this school.

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