Tapas Page #2

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The trouble men give...

Its good to have a man

at hand when the tap's broken.

-True.

-What do you do then?

-I turn on another. What else?

-2OOg of mortadella.

My Cesar's the handyman at home.

His father's useless.

-He can fix anything.

-He could fix Raquel's video.

-Its broken, isn't it?

-Yes.

-I'll tell him to call in.

-No.

Don't bother, I hardly use it.

The odd dirty film

can brighten up your life.

Really!

-Yes, I'll tell him to call in.

-Whatever.

-Anything else?

-Some eggs.

Feel that.

Just like Bruce Lee.

From all the hand movement.

Look.

I'm getting one of these.

-You're getting a nunchaku?

- Yeah. So?

Self-defense, kid. And its a

martial art like judo or karate.

But discredited by louts with

broom handles and toilet chains.

Bruce Lee got killed

by a nunchaku, didn't he?

What are you saying!

That was a cover-up.

Bruce Lee was killed

by a Hollywood producer...

who wanted Chuck Norris

to be the new martial arts king.

They didn't want

a Chinese as the hero.

That's why David Carradine

was the Grasshopper.

-Who?

-David Carradine. Kill Bill.

Ah, Kill Bill.

But Kill Bill was Chinese.

Of course he wasn't Chinese.

His name was David Carradine.

Car-ra-dine.

Anyway, they took slant-eyed actors

because there was "chinaphobia".

Being killed was the best thing

for the Master.

Better than Norris's

shopping channel.

What do you mean?

Chuck Norris keeps really well.

-Does he?

-Yeah!

-He's got a fine physique.

-Now this is a fine physique.

-Chuck Norris? No way!

-You just watch yourself, Opo.

Watch yourself.

Hello. A beer.

I'm out of draught.

It'll have to be bottled.

Give me a small one.

What "tapas" have you got?

-Those there.

-I see. A packet of crisps.

-The octopus is fresh.

-Sure. I'll have the crisps.

Sh*t.

Conchi, how you doing?

-You know, kid. Its hot.

-Yeah.

The money for the coffee.

-Okay.

-Bye.

-Morning, madam.

-Morning.

Hello, boy.

-Yes?

- Its Cesar, Carmen's son.

-About the video.

-Right. Come In.

Turn that off.

Thats it.

-I need to take it away.

-Okay.

The heads might be dirty,

but its a good video.

Yes.

I haven't used it much lately.

I'll have to open it.

I'll bring it back in a few days.

Okay. Shall I give you

some money now...?

No.

-Mom would kill me if I charged you.

-Right.

-All right then.

-I'll bring it round then.

Right.

-Bye.

-Bye.

What the hell has Eloy sent me?

Just as well

nobody saw you come in...

or they'd think I was stupid.

Can you cook?

-Right then...

-Mao.

Mahou.

Just like the beer.

Now I'm hiring you

for two basic reasons:

To earn me money

and to ease my workload.

So if you don't do either...

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