Take the Money and Run

Synopsis: This film is presented as a documentary on the life of an incompetent, petty criminal called Virgil Starkwell. It describes the early childhood and youth of Virgil, his failure at a musical career, and his obsession with bank robberies. The film uses a voice over narrative and interviews with his family, friends and acquaintances.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Woody Allen
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
  3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
85 min

- It's a wonderful job.

- Are you with the Philharmonic?

- Yes I am actually.

- Oh, that's fantastic!

Yes, I'm looking for my group.

Quite a good group, yeah.

I dress like this 'cuz I'm just walking.

- Do you kind of want to go for a walk?

- O.K.

I, uh... I knew I was in love,

but... first of all I was nauseous.

You know, I've never met

such a pretty girl.

I guess I'm sensitive.

Because, you know real beauty

makes me want to gag.

Plus, I don't know how to act with girls.

I'm nervous, shy with woman.

I have a tendency to dribble.

Uh, you know the only girl I've ever

known was a girl in my neighborhood.

But she wasn't an attractive girl.

I used to make obscene

phone calls to her collect.

She'd accept charges all the time,

but nothing ever happened.

But here I'm lying through my teeth

and I can't tell Louise

that I was in jail and I rob and steal

and never did an honest day's work

in my life.

You know a lot of people hold

those things against you.

But she was so sweet.

We just walked in the park.

I was so touched by her. I don't know,

after 15 minutes I wanted to marry her.

After half an hour, I completely gave up

the idea of snatching her purse.

I wanted to actually tell her

I wasn't with the Philharmonic,

but she was so impressed by it.

When she asked me

some questions about Mozart,

she got suspicious because

for a minute I couldn't place the name.

I, uh, I don't know...

when it comes to woman.

In prison I remember this psychologist

asked by if I had a girl, I said no.

Then he asked me,

do I think sex is dirty.

And he said it is,

if you were doing it right.

All I know is my heart

was really pounding

and I felt a funny tingling all over.

I don't know, I was either in love

or I had small pox.

- Hey, you want to have dinner tonight?

Rate this script:(3.00 / 1 vote)

Woody Allen

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker, and playwright, whose career spans more than six decades. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Take the Money and Run" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 19 Jun 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/take_the_money_and_run_19323>.

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