T.J. Miller: No Real Reason Page #2

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ABOUT SOMETHING, AFTER I SAY IT,

I'LL GO LIKE THIS...

DON'T EVER DO THAT.

THAT MAKES ANYTHING

YOU'RE SAYING SOUND,

LIKE,

MALICIOUS OR WITH MALINTENT.

WATCH, I'LL SHOW YOU.

"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING

AFTER THE SHOW?"

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO TO THEM

AFTER THE SHOW, YOU KNOW?

"HEY, MAN, CAN I BORROW

A STICK OF GUM?"

THAT GUM AIN'T FOR CHEWING.

EVEN NICE THINGS.

"KAREN, CONGRATULATIONS.

I HEARD YOU'RE PREGNANT."

WHAT AM I GONNA DO,

GO UP THERE AND GET IT?

AND I HAVE A FRIEND.

HE CREEPS ME OUT.

TELL ME IF YOU HAVE ANYBODY

LIKE THIS.

HE WINKS AT ME A LOT.

LIKE, TOO MUCH.

ISN'T THAT WEIRD?

'CAUSE IT'S 2011, AND THEY'RE

NOT YOUR UNCLE, YOU KNOW?

BUT HE'LL WINK,

AND SOMETIMES IT'LL MAKE SENSE.

AND THEN OTHER TIMES, IT WON'T.

SO IT'S VERY CONFUSING.

IT'S LIKE, "HEY, DO YOU WANT TO

HANG OUT WITH THOSE GIRLS LATER?

THEY'RE DOWN TO PARTY."

AND I'LL BE LIKE, "YEAH, SURE.

OH, YEAH.

NO, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH."

"YEAH, THEN MAYBE LATER,

YOU AND ME CAN GET SOME PIZZA."

"NO, I DON'T THINK

I WANT TO DO THAT.

DOES THAT INVOLVE US

HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE?"

"NO."

I LIKE THAT MOVE,

WHEN A GUY GETS SCARED.

I DON'T THINK THAT THERE SHOULD

BE PLANTS WITH LEAVES

OR FOLIAGE THAT HANGS DOWN

IN AIRPORTS.

I'LL EXPLAIN WHY.

WOULDN'T THAT BE WEIRD

IF I DIDN'T?

I JUST MOVED ON:

RIGHT AFTER THAT.

'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE A LO OF TIMES I'M IN AIRPORTS,

I'LL BE TEXTING, AND I'LL MOVE

OUT OF SOMEBODY'S WAY,

AND IF A PLANT EVEN JUST--

EVEN MILDLY TOUCHES,

LIKE, GRAZES ANY--

[grunting]

LIKE, SUDDENLY I KNOW

MARTIAL ARTS, YOU KNOW?

"IS IT A FERN OR A FICUS?

AIM FOR THE ROOTS."

AND I GOT TO STOP ACTING WEIRD

IN AIRPORTS IN GENERAL REALLY.

'CAUSE IT'S WEIRD.

I'M GETTING MORE RECOGNIZABLE

NOW, YOU KNOW,

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN

IN SOME MOVIES.

I'M NOT FAMOUS.

I'M, LIKE, THE LEAST FAMOUS

YOU CAN BE:

WHILE STILL BEING CONSIDERED

SORT OF FAMOUS, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, I'M THE LEVEL OF CELEBRITY

WHERE GROUPS OF GUYS AT AIRPORTS

WILL KIND OF LOOK OVER AT ME

AND WHISPER TO EACH OTHER

AND THEN KIND OF

LOOK BACK OVER.

AND I'M NOT SURE

IF THEY RECOGNIZE ME

OR THEY WANT TO GANG-RAPE ME

IN THE MEN'S ROOM.

EITHER WAY, I'M FLATTERED.

OR SOMETIMES:

I'LL GET SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS

THAT THEY RECOGNIZE ME,

BUT THEY CAN'T THINK

OF THE MOVIE OR THE TV SHOW

OR WHATEVER--

THEY DON'T KNOW

WHERE THEY RECOGNIZE ME FROM.

YEAH, NOW, THAT'S ALWAYS

A WEIRD INTERACTION.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE

EVER INTERACTED WITH SOMEBODY

WHO IS SIMULTANEOUSLY

VERY EXCITED TO SEE YOU

BUT ALSO VERY UPSE AND FRUSTRATED WITH THEMSELVES.

THAT'S STRANGE, LIKE, "HEY, OH,

YOU'RE THE GUY--

"OH, THIS IS SO--OH, THIS IS

GREAT, SO YOU'RE FROM--

"YOU'RE THE GUY FROM--

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