Swinging Safari Page #2

Tennis, shopping and chatter.

I mean, John McEnroe!

My big sister, Bec, was also 'outgoing'.

The family doctor said

she was very... active.

Evonne Goolagong is an Aboriginal.

She's just a young native.

But she's just f***ing gold!

It's extraordinary.

After the boredom of

a six-hour shopping marathon,

Kmart kryptonite appeared

in the form of important,

life-changing foreign cinema.

Come on down and chum some of this sh*t!

That stupid shopping centre

gave me something

I didn't even know I was getting -

an education.

My superpower exploded

in the form of a mighty Super 8 camera.

I was armed with a weapon so powerful

I could make boys like Gerome

do anything I wanted.

And these three families

collided every weekend

in the sand that time and taste forgot.

Bluebottles in the water!

Want a top-up, ladies?

- Oh, yes!

- Oh, yes, please!

Oh, you've gotta love a wine box.

You never know how much you've drunk!

Well, you know what they say,

don't you? A happy wife...

A happy, long life.

Ooh, mate. That's good.

That's good.

Rooster? Sweetie, could you

pick that up for me?

- Oh, sure, no worries, Mrs. J.

- Ooh!

Now we know why they call it baby oil.

Yeah, you could pop it in the oven.

Eat as much as you can, boys.

Kentucky Fried Crumble!

Boys, get in!

Don't do that, boys!

You know they're deadly.

Muuuummm!

Muuummm!

Urine counteracts. Toilets!

- No! Please don't pee on me!

- Come on!

Please don't pee on me again!

No! No going in the water

till the whole drumstick

goes down, alright?

Oh, stop being a water Nazi.

Go on. Off you go. Knock yourself out.

Love you, Dad!

What now?

What's wrong?

Oh, go see what she's done now.

What's the down low?

Give us a look. Come on.

Quit your whining! Cut it!

I said cut it!

If you don't quit your whining,

you're gonna cop a hiding!

Rick? Deal with it!

- You understand?

- Rick!

Come here!

Bloody embarrassing!

Come on, get in the car!

Bag of chips and a pink lemonade.

And have a good think about

the starving Africans!

The best days of our lives.

Am I rewriting history? Probably.

'Cause God knows our parents did.

Attention, all Death Cheaters.

Camera's up. Let's grab the gear.

Boys! Zinc on noses! Skin cancer!

Oh! Don't be ridiculous!

Blister!

Arggh!

F***in' bluebottles!

And they really f***ing hurt!

- Suck eggs!

- Mum is gonna piss on you!

Hey! Do you want the Chiko

Rolls and Sunny Boys or not?

Death Cheaters, attack!

I've only got 11 seconds of

film left. Stop mucking around!

I always wanted to be a filmmaker.

My problem was a plot.

Australia and I were hopelessly

bobbing around the Pacific

looking for a direction.

Whale! Whale!

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