Surviving Christmas Page #3

I'll call you a cab.

Is that necessary?

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

But you know, man,

I gotta tell ya,

all these years I've been

avoiding Christmas,

and I just realized,

this is what I've been longing for.

A real family, you know?

In a true home.

That's why I'm thinking

it might be a good idea

if I lived with you.

Tom! Tom!

Tom, please!

Please let me stay here!

No.

- I'll pay you.

- My family's not for sale, pal.

Tom, I'll pay you $250,000.

Welcome home, son.

Mom.

Tom, that guy is still here.

- Yeah, I know.

- Why is he still here?

He's givin' us $250,000

to be his family for Christmas.

And you agreed to this?

Without asking me?

Of course I did.

He's giving us $250,000.

How would you like it if I

agreed to this without asking you?

Well, that would depend.

Would we be getting $250,000?

Okay. What exactly

did you agree to?

It's a big day for this family.

- Very well.

- All right.

Mr. Latham agrees

to pay the sum of $250,000

to the Valcos for services rendered

until 11:
59 pm on Christmas Day.

And for said sum, the Valco family

will aid Mr. Latham in recapturing

those childhood Christmas memories,

including, but not limited to,

all due festiveness, celebrations,

various and sundry merriments,

and yuletide glee.

Agreed!

Agreed, right?

Fakin' it anyway.

Might as well get paid.

Will there be anything else?

Oh, yeah. I gotta sleep

in Brian's room.

What? No.

Where is this going here?

Like it says in the contract.

I get to sleep in my old room.

Oh, come on. Creepy grievance guy

wants to sleep in my room?

If I wanted that, I'd use a bus ticket

those guys send me on the Internet.

I just wanna sleep in my room,

like it says in the contract.

Brian, you're in the guest room.

My computer's not in the guest room.

How am I supposed to... study?

Use your imagination.

Well, I'm gonna

catch some shut-eye.

Who wants to go Christmas tree

shopping with me in the morning?

Apparently, you all do.

I'm home.

Oh!

Brian? Brian!

I didn't do it.

It's all right.

I'll fix it.

I'll fix it. Ow.

Well, that should do it,

assuming no other idiot...

Is he eatin' my salami?

That's what it looks like.

- It's 9:
00 in the mornin'.

- Oh, I know. It's not breakfast food,

but it was lookin' good.

I had to dog some.

Yeah, it is good.

- Is that the last of it?

- Yep.

Oh. You didn't want some, did ya?

No. It's all right.

It's fine, it's fine.

Ah.

Kathryn, I hope

you're checking messages.

Should anyone need to reach me,

they can call my cell.

If you need to send anything,

the address is 2 Edgewood Road

in Lincoln Wood, Illinois.

Stayin' with my family.

Hey, Dad?

He's talkin' to you, genius.

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