Strange Brew Page #3

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Bob

Here, boy.

Dad

Save one of those beers for me, eh!

[Bob and Doug guzzle their beers -- the last ones. They try to take

back Hosehead's, but he growls at them]

Bob

He's guarding the beer, what do we do?

Doug

Bribe him.

Bob

Yeah! Get him a donut--jelly, he likes jelly. Jelly donut coming!

Doug

Ok, Hosehead! Mmmm...delicious jelly donut.

[They toss the donut to the dog and grab his bowl of beer]

Bob

Get a glass, eh?

Dad

What the heck's going on in there?

Bob and Doug

We're just getting your beer.

[Pour *gross* beer into glass]

Doug

You take it to him.

Bob

No way, eh? You take it to him.

Doug

No, you.

Bob

No, you take it. I'm letting go of the beer.

Doug

Ok, fine.

[Glass drops to the floor and breaks]

Doug

Dad, Bob broke your beer!

Bob

No I didn't, Doug broke it!

Mom

Clean up the mess, boys.

Dad

I want you hosers to get me a fresh case of beer first thing in the

morning.

Bob

We're going to need some money!

Dad

Use the money I gave you today, you idiots!

Doug [to Bob]:
Way to go, you gave away the money.

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[SCENE FIVE - Beer store]

Bob

What's going to happen if this plan doesn't work, eh?

Doug

The old man will boot us out of the house and we'll have no place to

sleep, eh?

Bob

Yeah, I can live in this van, eh? I don't need...

Doug

Take off! You need money to live or you'll starve!

Bob

Well this plan sucks, I'm not going in.

Doug

You are, too, or I'll tell the old man you gave away his beer money.

Bob

Ok, ok...you boss me around...

Patron

Morning George! [buys beer and walks off]

Attendant

Well?

Doug

Elsinores.

Bob

Twelve!

Doug

Twenty-four, yeah, twenty-four Elsinore beers.

Attendant

Twenty-four Elsinore! That will be $14.70.

Doug

I believe there will be no charge on this two-four of beer, thank you.

Attendant

Excuse me?

Doug

Ok, uh, we found this mouse in a bottle of Elsinore beer that we bought

at your beer store, eh? And we heard that when that happens you get

your beer free.

Bob

It's in the Canadian Criminal Code, eh. Like there's legal precedence

set in cases in law, eh?

Doug

So, like give us our free beer.

Attendant

You want free beer? Go to the brewery. Now get out of here before I

put the two of you in a bottle.

Doug

You sure you don't want to think this over?

Attendant

[seizing them both by their collars] I'm sure.

Doug

Ok, we're going.

Bob

Yeah.

Doug

See ya.

[Everybody in store ridicules them]

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[SCENE SIX - Outside the brewery at fork in road]

Bob

Geez, there's a lot of arrows, eh? Elsinore castle, uh, Elsinore

brewery, Royal Canadian Institute for the Mentally Insane..hey, that's

the loony bin, eh?

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