Stay Cool Page #2

Mm-hmm.

You will see the entire class of '88

scattered around and littered

throughout rockville.

If you see somebody

in a grocery store,

they won't even

look you in there eye.

It's as though you share

some dark, dank, deep little secret.

And as long as you don't

register the other person's existence,

then you're not losers

for not leaving

and doing something

more profound with your lives.

It's just embarrassing.

It is wrong.

It is self-hating,

and big girl will have none of it.

What about, um, Scarlet Smith?

What?

Oh, come on.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm just asking. Nothing more.

You poor, sad little creature.

No! No, no, no.

You may not do that.

No.

Forget about it.

Yes, I will forget it.

That's exactly what you should do,

forget it.

Forget it. Henry?

Forget I asked.

This is our high school?

What happened?

Gone!

They tore it down.

Didn't want it to serve as a reminder

of all the lives it ruined.

Come on, let's go.

I'm not going in there.

No, sir.

That, my dear friend,

is a teenage torture chamber.

I wouldn't go back in there

if you paid me a million dollars.

Wish me luck.

45 minutes.

Is that good?

45?

Pull your pants up.

That's mine now.

What's that?

Use your imagination.

Let's go.

It's a pen.

Stop talking.

Keep the line moving. Let's go.

Henry!

Principal Marshall.

Good to see you.

Good to see you, too.

Thank you for having me.

Well, you know, when they told me,

we have an alumnus who's

a best-selling author,

I knew right down there you're the man

for the commencement speech.

Forgive me. I haven't read any

of your books, but...

Yeah.

You're the prime example

of what a student can do

with his or her life

after he or she graduates from

his or her high school.

Thank you.

You are a winner.

I always knew you'd do well.

You're a winner!

And these students need a winner to tell them

how to be a winner.

Yes, they do.

And I want you to feel free to use

any of the facilities here.

Of course, the library,

the cafeteria, the gym.

Ok.

Whatever you need to connect you in some way

in the commencement.

Ok, so would there be any parameters or guidelines

you'd want me to follow?

Well, profanity's out.

We really don't want

to offend anybody.

I wouldn't use the word

"sh*t" or "penis."

But, yeah, as I said,

we just don't really wanna

offend anyone.

No, we don't.

No. Right.

Now, there's something

else I forgot.

Here are some

sample speeches,

some of my all-time favorites.

Ok.

Yeah.

These ones?

Be good to look at, yes.

I mean, think gettysburg!

Think Martin Luther,

"Can't we all get along?"

Or, you know, Bette midler,

"Wind beneath my wings."

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