Stanley Park Page #4

What if you go soft on her?

Or worse - you can't even get it up?

As if that would ever happen.

Would that ever happen?

Yeah, it would.

That's why I'm going for gold

and you're just a runner-up.

Shall we teach you

how to go for gold, Lee?

Maybe they've been having

a torrid affair. Don't.

I bet she's waiting for Harry!

She thinks she's so coy,

but every step that skank takes,

I'm right there behind her.

Can this not be all about you?

Don't even get up

in my face, girlfriend.

No, you are so self-centred.

B*tch, get yourself a one

way ticket to China, yeah?

No, Ben. It's like on Twitter

I'm following you and and

you're still not following me.

I mean, what's that all about?

I can't follow all my followers,

can I?

How would that look?

That's basically just Facebook.

You're following Debbie! Despite

how you b*tch about her. So do you.

That's not the point.

God, you're seriously

on your rag, Raggy.

I think I should leave you to it.

Yeah, maybe you should.

Maybe you should go home and get a

hard-on watching Gay School Musical.

I told you that

in the strictest of confidence.

And it was because

of Vanessa, not Zac.

Keep telling yourself that!

I don't have to take this.

Ciao, Raggy.

What!?

It's French. It means goodbye!

Girls like sophistication, Lee.

Cosmopolitans and canapes.

I've got some left-over Lambrini.

Fine. Fill me up then.

Don't suppose there's

any canapes either?

I've got, like, crisps?

Chargrilled chicken crinkles.

You're hardly gettin'

me sensual rivers flowin' here, Lee.

I'll show you how it's done.

Do you know, I don't feel very full.

I should have had

the Sloppy Giuseppe.

Forget Giuseppe.

I'll fill you up later.

Do you know...

that is definitely my

favourite Pizza Express now.

It's so weird going back there.

What? The scene of the crime?

They sat in the kitchen,

in the hum of the night.

He looked at her suspiciously

on several occasions.

As he felt her electric touch,

she could sense his phallus

from a mile off,

ticking like a grandfather clock.

As the moon shone

through patio doors,

she could feel the ache

of her loins,

which were pressed against his back.

Oops.

Should I collect that?

It's very hot down there.

That was a good story.

I really liked it.

I'm from a very

illiterate family, Lee.

So, what happens next?

Did you know I can give a lad

an erection

just by lookin' at it?

Relax!

I know the sensual experience

is frightening,

but there's nothing better than

when two bodies collide together.

Especially when

one of those bodies is mine

because I do get quite

a lot of good feedback.

Yeah? Yeah.

If it were, like, marks out of 10,

I'd be nine and a half.

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