Stanley Park Page #3

No, no. It's no-one.

I'm no-one now, am I? It's a girl.

Is that your girlfriend? Piss off.

Piss off!? Piss off!? Yeah.

No. What?

Oh, sh*t!

Lee, you know what, I don't know

who you're with, but forget it!

Prick!

You're such an idiot!

And while it looked like some people

weren't getting any tonight,

there was no way I wasn't.

I knew when Harry saw me, he'd

fill his pants for man milk.

But I were bothered.

Me Auntie Pat had lied about her

date with Comb-over to save face.

I felt sort of sorry for her.

But then I looked in the

mirror and felt better.

KNOCK ON DOOR:

Come in.

Up, up.

Twirl. What a stunner.

You bring a tear to my eye.

Now. Whisky-wine medley.

Bit of dutch courage.

Who needs courage

when they've got two wonderbras

sewn into their dress?

They look like

Popeye's biceps, darlin.

Now, go on. Knock that back.

In one.

Raggy, it's Lee again.

Call me. Again.

There was definitely a girl,

I heard a girl.

Does this jumper

make me look slimmer?

You don't need to look slimmer.

I'm having a fat day.

Oh, FYI -

Harry's getting married.

What!? Oh, you didn't know?

OMG. Are you serious!?

Whatev's.

Tell someone who cares, yeah?

Oh, you so care.

I know everything

there is to know about you, Ben.

Who found the Barbies

under your bed?

They were Sindys.

And for your information, dear,

I have a girlfriend.

Ha! No you don't!

I do too, actually.

Elaine. Plain Elaine?

She's not plain, she's...hot.

And she's totally into me.

I'm playing the ice maiden at

the moment, but she so wants me.

Ever since I was nine, everyone's

been like, "Oh, Ben, you're gay,"

but you'll see.

One day you'll all be eating

your words when I'm completely

famous and can have anyone I want.

Like Kate Moss. I'd totally do her.

She is fabulous, so don't even

bother accusing me of being gay.

Ohmigod! Look!

That must be

who he was with earlier.

BELL RINGS:

All right, Lee? Is your brother in?

No, Harry's out.

Oh. Will he be long?

I don't know.

Could be a while, to be honest.

Right. Well I'm in no rush, so...

That fugly skeeze.

But engaged!

It's so serious.

Debs, I'm not sure

you're his type anyway.

Why?

Because I'm a slag. You said it.

Well, consider this, am I a slag

or am I an Olympic gold medallist?

I don't follow.

Yeah. Cos sex is a sport, Lee.

It's good for your heart...

and the more you do it,

the better you get.

It's like anythin' in life.

You can't just get on a bike

and ride it.

You've got to practise first.

Yeah, we're not talkin'

about ridin' bikes.

We're talkin' about you bein' one.

You've never even done it.

Shut up!

Waitin' for the right person,

are we? Raggedy Ann.

No.

Big deal, first time, Lee.

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