Stand Up Guys: The Stand Up Songs of Jon Bon Jovi Page #2

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- Uh-huh.

But some tools...

you hate to give up.

Yeah. I could've done that with my dick.

Come on in. That's why we're here.

- Oh, that was just plain cruel.

- I'm sorry.

Remember that time you threw that Greek

out of the hotel window?

I do.

Fell straight on to a street meat vendor

I felt bad about that part.

Oh, this is definitely

a violation of my parole.

It's OK, I need to fill

my Nexium prescription anyway.

- What's Nexium?

- It's for my ulcer.

So, what are we looking for?

Ah, this.

What is that?

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh...

You're only supposed to take one.

I wanna make sure.

So, we... we... done here?

No, I need some Perindopril.

What?

And some...

Ooh, Latanoprost.

My co-pay is insane on this one.

And, uh, ooh, Aldactone for hypertension

Mm-hmm.

How much sh*t are you on?

A lot.

So how long does this take

to get the pipes working?

I wouldn't know.

So what are we gonna do while we wait?

Three Andrew Jacksons say I, uh,

run this table.

But, uh, you don't have any money.

What does that mean?

You spot me.

But, uh, that would be

robbing Peter to pay Paul.

"Each one must give

as he has decided in his heart,"

- "not reluctantly or under compulsion."

- Uh-huh, Corinthians.

- Chapter nine, verse seven.

- I love Corinthians.

OK, um, let's do the five.

- Oh, it's on now.

- Oh, wait, let me get out of your way.

Go ahead, stay in my way then.

- Oh!

- See?

Keep it.

- Thank you.

- It's yours.

Oh, you gave me a nice thing here.

- Too easy, but I'm gonna take it.

- Oh, it is easy.

- Hello!

- Oh!

- That was not fair.

- No, it wasn't.

Uh-oh.

What?

Mount Everest just moved into my pants.

So...

all systems go?

Oh, yeah.

I'm so f***ing hard...

I could cut a diamond.

- You shouldn't have taken so many.

- Oh, f*** that.

My old friend.

- Are you ready, Val?

- Ooh, ah, whoa...

You don't know. I never been more ready.

- Let us go.

- Oh, yes.

Come on.

Next smile you see,

will be on Oxana's face.

He's my only son.

- Aw...

- I'm coming in to use the phone, OK?

Paul, where's my

f***ing Kung Pao Chicken?

- It's on it's way. You got a call.

- F*** my ass. Gimme the phone.

Claphands here.

It's Doc.

Would the package be delivered on time?

I can't do what I said I would do.

Well then, if you

can't deliver the package,

then you won't be

a friend of mine any longer.

Do I need to become more explicit here?

No.

No.

I didn't think so.

How long do I have?

What do you mean "how long do you have"?

To deliver the package.

How long do I have?

I don't f***ing believe this sh*t.

Do I have dementia? Paul, who's

the President of the United States?

- Um...

- Shut the f*** up!

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