South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut Page #2

KYLE:

No, Ike! You can't come with me!

Kyle's MOTHER, a big fat b*tch, comes to the door and yells.

KYLE'S MOTHER

Kyle, you take your little brother out to

play with you!

KYLE:

Aw, ma!!

KYLE'S MOTHER

Do as I say, Kyle!

Kyle's mother closes the door.

KYLE:

Damn it!!

EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY

Now the three boys, and little Ike, merrily strut down the

street and sing in unison.

BOYS:

We're going to the movies

To see the better side of life

Where something interesting happens

Every day and night!

KYLE:

In movies we can pretend

That love is real

and good always wins-

STAN:

We can even make believe marriages

last!

A HOMELESS guy is lying in the alley.

HOMELESS GUY:

Spare a dollar? Spare a dollar?

Stan walks by and throws a dollar at him. The homeless guy

suddenly jumps up.

HOMELESS GUY:

I'm going to the movies!

To see the brighter side of life!

I'm going to the movies

Everything's gonna be alright!

Forget my troubles

Put my own life on hold

Let a studio tell me

how to view the world!

KYLE:

Let's go get fat ass!

EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE - DAY

This house looks just like all the others.

INT. THAT SAME HOUSE

CLOSE UP on a bag that reads 'CHEESY POOFS'. A hand reaches

into the bag, pulls out a wad of orange crunchies and raises

them --

BOOM UP to reveal the fat face of eight year old ERIC CARTMAN

who chows down on the chips.

Now we see that fat little Eric is sitting on his couch,

eating Cheesy Poofs and watching television.

The doorbell rings. Cartman doesn't move a muscle.

CARTMAN:

MOM! SOMEBODY'S AT THE DOOR!

CARTMAN'S MOTHER enters. She is extremely June Cleaveresque

(except that she's a hermaphrodite crack whore). She returns

with Stan, Kyle and Kenny.

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