Somers Town

# Wake up, you sleepy fly

# Forget the debt you owe

# We'll sing the sorrow song

# We'll sing of all you know

- Hello.

- Hiya.

You live upstairs, don't you?

You in a rush?

# Wake up, you sleepy fly

# You gotta raise a vein

# We gave you things to say

# Believe yourself again

Excuse me, is anyone sitting there?

- No, go ahead.

- Thank you.

So, did you travel from Glasgow or...?

No, I live in Nottingham.

- Nottingham?

- Yeah.

- Cool, that's where I'm from actually.

- Oh, is it?

- Yeah.

- You having a day out?

Well, I'm just coming to stay in London

for a bit.

Sorry, but listen,

you take care of yourself.

All right, nice to see you.

See you again soon.

# There's a gem in the rock

that's been thrown

# There's a vein of pure gold in the stone

# There's a vein of pure gold in the stone

# There's a vein of pure gold in the stone #

"Would you like Big Issues?"

"How much big ones when I go

Manchester for cheap time?"

and "You don't give sh*t about me

yourself, dick."

Sh*t!

Sh*t, bloody, eff-all, b*obs.

Excuse me, will you go into shop

for us, please?

- What for?

- Four cans of Carling.

- How old are you?

- 18.

Get them yourself, then.

I can't, cos they won't believe I'm 18.

I ain't got no ID.

Plea...

Excuse me, will you go into

shop for me, please?

Get this joker. What d'you want?

Can you get me four cans

of Carling, please?

Give me the money.

- Cheers.

- For you, the drink?

- Pardon?

- That for you, the drink?

No, they're for my dad.

I don't drink.

"Dear Doris, I'm seeing a lovely girl

"and we want to take thing

to the next stage

"but I'm afraid of hurting her

because I'm too bit too well-en...endowed."

Endowed.

"I'm 24, she's 23,

"and we've been together for four months,

"but previous girlfriends have said

"having sex with me

has made them sore afterwards."

"Is there anything I can do about it?"

Erm... "I think this girl's the one for me,

"and I don't want to hurt her."

Doris.

Doris says,

"Being well-endowed can be

much more tricky than being small.

"Foreplay is extra important, but...

"as long as you make sure

your girlfriend is completely aroused

"and are skilful,

you can give her pleasure without pain."

- No, no, no, don't take pictures, son.

- Sorry.

I don't want everyone to know

what's in 'ere.

What's your name?

- Marek.

Marek. You and your dad

settling in all right?

You live upstairs, don't you?

- Yeah.

Yeah. My name's Graham. Graham Cutler,

I'm from a long line of Cutlers.

I see you got this lovely

Man United shirt on.

Let me tell you something, Marek,

people round 'ere, they don't really

appreciate Manchester United.

To keep you safe, Marek,

I want to give you a little present.

Wait there.

- OK.

I think you should put it on straight away

without delay, just for safety purposes.

- For me?

- Yeah. Try it on.

- OK.

- Yeah.

Give me your camera.

- OK.

There you go.

Ta.

It should fit.

Try it on.

Put it on over the other one.

OK.

Yes, much better!

Arsenal - champions!

You see that?

That'll keep you safe.

Now, you can keep that for nothing.

That's free.

All you gotta do is help me with a little

bit of unloading - is that all right?

- OK.

- Yeah?

Here, look, take these and put

them on the left in there.

The left-hand side just round there.

Can you take two at a time?

Is that all right?

Yeah, got it?

Big strong boy, ain't you?

Yeah, good.

- You all right, mate?

- How are you?

- Fine.

- What's goin' on?

Where you from?

You're not from round here.

- I'm from the Midlands.

- Oh, OK. Not bad.

- You got a beer?

- No.

Nice smooth hair you got,

what shampoo do you use?

- Head & Shoulders.

- Can I have some?

- Why?

- I want some. Can I have some?

- Don't take the piss.

- Go on, be a good boy.

- Yeah!

- Is it nice?

- Do some of that.

- Save me some of that.

- That's buff, you should try that, man.

- You don't mind if I have a little bit?

- No.

- Better not.

- How's that?

- It's good stuff.

Finish that, finish that.

- That's the way to do it.

- That's the way.

You don't mind, do you?

Cheers,

you ain't got another one, have you?

So what brings you down 'ere?

I'm just down here. I just come down.

- Just come down?

- What for?

Just to, I dunno, see the sights.

Ain't to start trouble, is it?

- No.

- Good.

That's a nice jacket, man,

where'd you get that from?

- Shop.

- How much did it cost?

- Dunno.

- Let me try it on.

Look at these!

Those ones are nice.

- I've gotta go.

- Where you going?

I've gotta wait for my mate.

I thought you said you was down here

from the Midlands.

Wait, where you going, mate?

I'm going to me mate's.

Come here.

We only want to talk to you.

Hey, come here!

Hey, catch him, catch him!

Hey, come here!

What you running for?

I said I wanted to talk to you.

- Gimme that bag.

- Give him that bag!

- Stomp him, stomp him.

- Aargh!

Aargh!

- Sh*t!

- Come on, let's go.

Get the bag, get the bag.

Go on, go, go, go!

Loser!

Oh!

Jane!

All right?

Tomo, what the hell happened to you?

Oh, these three lads last night.

Oh, Tomo!

See, I told you, it's rough here.

Did you get mugged?

Well, they took my bag

and some of my stuff and that.

Have they taken your money?

Oh, Tomo, are you all right?

Jesus, God, look at you.

- There you go, sweetheart. All right?

- Thank you. Thanks very much.

Here y'are. Get that down you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes