Silent Warnings

Cousin, I'm home.

Any calls?

Soldier, where is your weapon?

Did you hear me?

I said where is that weapon, soldier?

You are puke.

You are a maggot.

You are the lowest form of life.

Now...

...if I ever catch you again without that

weapon strapped firmly to your chest,

I will snatch you up by your

stacking Swivel,

and commence field stripping.

Do I make myself clear?

Oh, you quit drinking,

that's right, I forgot.

It's August...

...and I've been making some

observations...

...about what's going on out there...

...in the corn...

...and I think that...

...that...

Dammit. Who turned the video

camera on again?

Cousin,

how many times do I have to tell you...

not to play with the expensive

video equipment.

You want reality. I am reality.

What reality needs right about now

there, Cousin,

is some more rounds.

That's what I need: More rounds.

When I was outside there if I...

...had more rounds...

...and ten more divisions of these men...

...our troubles would be over here

very quickly.

Damn it!

Cover me, cousin. I'm going in.

You little bastard.

Cousin, he's broken out of the attic.

Padre, go flank him around back.

What are you looking at?

Sh*t.

Dummy? Next time wear your seat belt.

Get it? Crash test dummy.

I got you now, you son of a...

Hey.

- So...

- What's up, man?

- So?

- So, I am now officially...

...a degreed electrical engineer.

- Whatever that means.

- Hey, man, we all made it.

- Four years of this sh*t.

- Yeah, it's just I don't know.

I thought I would feel different,

you know.

- So, where's Stephen?

- He should be here.

Well you know how he is.

Hey, what's wrong?

Nothing, you know.

Are you still upset about

missing graduation?

Nah. You know me with all of that

ceremonial crap...

I mean, I wanted to be there

with you, but...

...with the funeral and all...

- Yeah.

I'm sorry about your cousin.

Yeah. Just, you know, it was somebody

I really wanted you to meet.

Macy, what, did you pack to

go to the Andes or something?

That's Maurice's crap, smartass.

I have one bag.

Smooth. Very smooth.

Y'all need a lift?

Hi!

Hey man!

- Hey, what's up!

- How're you doing?

- It's good to see you.

- You too.

- This is Iris.

- Hey, how are ya?

- You know Layne. This is Macy.

- Hi!

You all know Katrina...

- Hi Stephen!

- Hey, ladies!

This is... Maurice.

- Maurice Hall.

- Hi.

Have I seen you around

campus before?

No. I'm taking some time off,

figuring some stuff out.

Yeah, yeah, been there.

Sorry, I know I've seen

you somewhere.

I doubt it.

Smooth. Real smooth...

Shotgun!

I already called it, hotshot.

Other side.

Hey, guys, thank you for helping

me out. I really appreciate it.

It's gonna be kind of tough going

back there and stuff but...

...thanks.

- Hey, no problem. I love the country.

Yeah. We're glad to help.

Are there gonna be cows?

- What?

- No, there's not gonna be cows.

- Not on this farm.

- I've never seen a cow...

Hey, it's Highway six, right?

Yeah, you're gonna be coming up

to a split off in the road pretty soon.

Take that and then we just need to stop

in town real quick.

Which town?

Porterville.

Porterville?

Yes, that is my hometown.

You still have relatives there?

No. The sheriff and my

cousin were close.

He's actually been the guy

who's taking care of...

...the estate since the accident and stuff.

So, what are you going to do

with the place after we fix it up?

Sell it. Buy a new place in the city,

or something.

So, what happened?

With your cousin, I mean?

I am not too sure, the sheriff said

something about...

...an accident with his truck or something.

Sounds awful.

- He didn't have any family?

- He was... you know...

...Ioner type of guy. Kinda

kept to himself.

I can't even imagine that. Dying alone...

Tell me about it.

What? Huh!

Oh, ok.

- God...

- Hey man, how much longer?

- We're close to Porterville.

- You don't have to shout. I can hear you.

We're close to Porterville, but we're

about twenty miles away from the farm.

When was the last time

you were up here?

Oh Jesus,

it's been a few years, you know. We used

to always come up here when I was a kid.

My dad, I don't know, thought

it "built character" or something.

Yeah, you're dad was wrong.

You ain't got no character.

You aint got no character.

- You don't got character,

- It's funny.

I'm just saying you aint got no

character man, I'm serious!

This country is cool, right man?

Wow, this place is amazing!

What do they do for fun in this place?

- Play checkers?

- Hey, I think it's kind of cute, alright?

You guys are funny.

Quick little tour, alright?

The hardware store is right down

that street...

...and the one and only

Dors Grocery's is right over here.

- Knock yourself out.

- Alrighty!

This is great

I got my hopes all high...

Goodness Gracious... Who is this guy?

Whatever!

- Hey!

- Yo!

- So, this is where you grew up.

- Yes, this is Porterville.

- Oh, the Pumpkin Festival!

- Oh, yeah, Pumpkin Festival.

Oh, my gosh!

I actually got my hand stuck

in a pumpkin once.

Did you really?

Yeah. I actually was the reigning

champion before I left.

- Oh, you were.

- I was.

- I expect nothing less...

- Come on, man!

Things move a little slower up

here in Porterville.

Got ya!

- Thank you

- Welcome

Hello!

Bill?

Watch!

I'm Sheriff Barney Fife.

Welcome to Mayberry.

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