Silent Night Page #2

---

I can do to ease your pain,

anything at all...

I'm going to be late.

You want me

to pour you a coffee?

No, it's okay. I got it.

- What are you reading?

- A survey.

It says that Christmas

makes people crazy.

They think it's the short days.

Or maybe it's "Jingle Bells"

- Where is everyone anyway?

- Sheriff's out,

scouting the parade route

for suspicious packages.

And where is Giles?

Late, as always.

So you hear about Jordan disappearing?

He flew the coop.

Yes, that is why

I'm here today.

I mean, he couldn't have waited

until after Christmas?

Rumor is there's a girl.

They're eloping to Milwaukee.

Okay.

Of course they are.

Can you think of a nine-letter word

for a six-sided item?

For my crossword?

I'll Google it.

What? No. The whole point is

to figure it out yourself.

So why are you asking me?

It is just so nice of you

to show up, Giles.

Don't tell me... I missed a bank heist

and an alien invasion.

If I can manage to put on my makeup,

blow-dry my hair and get here on time...

The truth is,

I had to stop at the store

and get something

for you ladies.

Christmas presents

from you? Really?

Don't rush me. Form a line.

Oh, after you've been kissing

the sheriff's a**hole, you're gonna-

Oh, God.

No, thank you.

Sheriff's Department. Yes.

Ma'am, which Santa Claus?

Ma'am?

I see.

We'll send someone right over.

You know that traveling Santa,

the one in the square?

- Yeah. What's up?

- Well, seems he's been making kids cry.

- What? How?

- Maybe he got a boner.

Kids are squirming

in his lap all day.

It's bound to happen

sooner or later.

Has anyone ever done

a background check on you, seriously?

I'll just take this one

on my own.

What did I say?

- Hey.

- Hello.

- Hi there.

- How are you?

Fine, thank you.

- Aubrey, Merry Christmas.

- Hi, Merry Christmas.

Hi.

Looks great. Good job.

Happy holidays.

Merry Christmas.

So what's your name, partner?

- It's Timmy.

- Timmy.

Well, to be honest, Timmy,

I don't think you deserve

anything this year.

I'm joking.

You're gonna get everything

on your Christmas list,

but if the presents aren't

under the tree tomorrow,

you know what happened, right?

Well, see, your parents took 'em

and they put 'em on eBay.

That's right.

Never trust your parents.

And that's all I'm gonna say

on the matter,

lest I get in trouble

with the police.

See, they send people

to check on me

to make sure I'm not telling kids

the truth about their parents.

So don't go snitching on me.

Santa'-s little secret, right?

Shake.

All right, superstar.

Now scoot.

Santa sucks.

What can I do for you?

- I'm Deputy Bradimore.

- I'm Santa... Santa Claus.

Do you go by any other names?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes