Shut Up and Kiss Me Page #3

I know, it's nasty, right?

Wow, those are

some bad dates.

No wonder you quit

the service.

Well, Sara and James

are gonna come over laten

They're going to help me

place this--

I don't kn0w--

Internet ad thing.

Really?

Well that'll be fun.

And, you know, I was thinking.

If that doesn't work out,

I can always set you up

with my hairstylistTodd.

Uh, let me think about that.

Hell no.

Why not?

He's nice, has a good job.

He's a flamer,

and he's a big girl.

Haven't we talked about

your internalized homophobia?

Internalized homophobia.

Log Cabin Republicans.

Listen,

I'm comfortable with it.

Ijust don't wanna sleep

with it.

Just-- You have to tell me

how this whole Internet

dating thing goes.

Well, you know I will.

And, I mean, James uses it

and it seems to work for him,

so...

Okay, Benny,

you know I want

the best for you,

but you also have to remember

thatJames is a slut

that tells everyone he's bi.

Bi, Bisexual,

put that you're a Bi.

Dom alpha male.

Hung big and thick.

Ooh, yeah, thick.

Beer-can thick.

Seven inches.

Ew, eight.

Well, Internet inches.

Likes it rough.

Wants to hit it from the B side.

Bubble butt.

Round and juicy.

Oh, total dom top.

Hey, James,

this is a dating ad.

It's not

some nasty sex thing.

Ew, Sara said it, too.

Guys, I'm placing this ad

for a date,

so I'm not listing beer can,

big and juicy,

thick and bubble

whatever else it was.

Okay, okay,

what about being a Bi?

[Ben]

No.

Oh, God, you're never

going to get laid.

Here, just let me type it

for you.

No, absolutely not.

Hey James, can you type this?

Is this doing it for you?

Whoo.

Whoo. You both really need

some therapy.

Are you straight yet?

You spazzin' out, man.

You placed

a personal ad online?

What's wrong with that?

A lot of people use

the Internet to date.

Yeah, lots of losers.

No, not losers.

People who are just too busy

or can't go to the bars.

Yeah, because they're defective,

i.e. losers. You know what?

Sara and James helped me

place that ad, and you know what?

I'm not defective,

and I'm definitely not a losen

Opinions vary.

And why are you listening

to those two?

It sounds

like s0meone's jealous

because I have friends

and, frankly, you don't.

Yes, I am jealous of that.

Be nice, okay?

Those guys are my friends.

All rig ht.

You know, I'm actually planning

on meeting some of these guys

from my ad this weekend.

Have fun, man.

What? They sounded nice.

On the phone?

Ben, you placed the ad,

like, an hour ago.

No, via e-mail.

This Internet dating,

it's really fast.

Look, there's two requirements

for the broads I meet.

0ne-- they must want

to suck my dick,

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