Shortbus Page #3

Do you think you could introduce me to them?

Yeah, probably.

I'm Ceth, with a C.

- Justin...

Hmm?

- Someone just came on your cat.

It's not funny!

Why can't they leave my p*ssy alone?

What is that?

That's the "yenta 650".

It's supposed to find me a husband.

How does it work?

I put in my profile...

"I got a match for you!"

Hi.

- I'm Magnus. And you are Keth?

That's actually Ceth. So you're 1.9 meters tall?

What's that in feet and inches?

Do you know?

Where are you from?

Canada. - Oh really?

- 6 1/2 feet.

a 15 cm dick...

Oh my God!

Maybe we can talk about this if we sit?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

- Great.

Is my hair OK?

Yeah, it's fine.

Thanks.

Sophia, come sit with us.

OK.

You make it sound like the Loch Ness monster.

It doesn't seem like it should be so hard to find.

It is so elusive, you know.

I'm starting to wonder if it's even natural.

It's not necessary for procreation, is it?

It only seems to appear in a handful of species

like the rabbit, the ferret,

the bottle-nosed dolphin, the macaque, the bonobo,...

"I'm an albino!"

Thanks.

Well I am, so it meant a lot to me.

Oh, that means a lot to me, actually.

Hey.

Hey.

You gonna be around later?

Sure.

Sorry. Go on.

You know, I feel like we're inundated by images

of these super deluxe babes in the throes of the ultimate orgasm...

I think it's just some myth to sell more magazines.

Whoa, myth? Did you just say that

female orgasms are a myth?

Yeah.

I'm here to tell you, sister, they're not.

- Here we go.

I've seen them happen before.

They're completely real.

Shabbos, Sophia.

Sophia, Shabbos.

Hey kids.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Shabbos Goy,

and if you're Jewish

I can help you turn on your lights.

I'm agnostic.

Do you like performance art?

Yeah, I do.

OK, I'm gonna do a show soon, and I think that you should come to it.

Might be a sort of therapeutic for your little problem.

Excuse me?

I have to say I find the fact that you can't have an orgasm completely unacceptable.

I would really like to work with you.

Shabbos!

Maybe I can help her!

You know, I'm sort of like a orgasmic superhero.

"Have I got a match for you? Oy, ! Oy, sheyne ponim! Sheyne ponim at 11 o'clock! Come on, just get off and go! Why so picky?"

Sh*t!

Sir, I'm so sorry. Are you OK?

My pacemaker. This odd vibration.

I'm so sorry.

No, no...

I think that was my Yenta.

Your-- your who?

Don't I know you from somewhere?

Well...

I used to be the mayor of New York.

Oh my God.

It's called "Ode to the female secretion",

and it works in five different movements:

Lubrication, Lactation,

Ejaculation --which is my favorite--,

then Urinatinon and Menstruation.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes