Shortbus Page #2

Everybody hates you.

Do you know who I am?

Yes, I know who you are.

Dr Donuts.

Eat my twat, Dr Donuts!

F*** you!

I hate carbs!

What are you looking at?

Nothing. Um--

Jamie and, um, James told me to come here.

What's your name?

Sophia.

Oh, Sophia! I'm Justin Bond.

I'm the mistress of Shortbus.

Come on.

Do you know what a shortbus is?

No.

You've heard of the Big Yellow School Bus?

Well, this is the short one.

It's a salon for the gifted and challenged.

Hi-ha!

That's Alice. She's got a c*nt like a wizard's sleeve.

This place has really taken off in the last few years,

since all these young people started flocking to the city.

Why would they come to New York?

It's so expensive to live here.

It's the only thing real that's ever happened to them.

Now in here is our performance room.

But tonight we're having a film festival.

They're boring as hell, but I've found the more boring they are,

the more intelligent people think they are. But watch.

"I'm an albino!"

Oh, there's the Jamies.

Hey. Mmm. Good to see you.

Hi James.

- Hey.

I'm so glad you came.

I said to switch the films. We're gonna do

a three-hour Gertrude Stein documentary.

That sounds like a real weenie shrinker.

Come on, let's go get laid.

You're gonna be all right?

Yeah.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Are you sure you wanna try this tonight?

No, that's too late.

It'll be good for us.

Are you OK with it?

Yeah...

If you find somebody and I don't,

you know, that's totally cool.

But if I find somebody and you don't,

that's a dealbreaker for me. I can't do that.

No, don't do that.

I spend half of my time blowing the NYPD to keep this place open.

I barely have any time for myself.

Here's the sex room.

This is where it all happens.

Aren't they beautiful?

It's not your average sort of Friday night event,

but people seem to be enjoying themselves.

Last week we had some people in here,

I had to throw them out,

'cause you know, this is my house...

Oh, this is Creamy.

She's your matre d'.

Pleased to meet you.

Can I help you with some condoms or lube?

No, I'm fine, thank you.

Well, then maybe some blondies.

These are cannabis-free,

the pot corn isn't.

Excuse me.

Pot corn.

These are actually not all for me.

Thank you so, so much.

Why don't you come in and have a look?

After all, voyeurism is participation.

Well?

Now come on.

These b*tches in there. Eating asses and sucking cock,

and then they show up at the buffet and say they're vegan.

Hi.

Any bites?

No.

I love these little gadgets.

Oh, this is Sophia.

She's a friend of the Jamies.

You know the Jamies?

I love the Jamies!

They're like the cutest couple in the whole world.

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