She's the One Page #3

Francis?

I'm not interested in what they say.

I want you to do what you're told.

When you have, call me...

No. Have Ryan call me.

I have Miss Davis on the phone.

Put her through.

Heather?

The office said you called in sick.

I called the apartment, nobody.

- You all right?

- I'm fine.

- How's work?

- Fine.

- Where are you?

- I'm at Papa 's.

Who the hell is Papa?

Come on, you know my friend Papa.

You mean Carl...

...the old guy.

We agreed to call him...

..."Carl, the diaper-wearing

geriatric. " Why are you there?

I slept over here last night,

with him.

You mean you slept with him, as in...

...had actual sexual intercourse

with this animal?

- Amongst other things.

- That's not funny.

He's older than your father!

Francis, my father's dead.

My point exactly, thanks.

This is very upsetting.

It's extremely important...

...that I see you now so I can

show you the error of your ways.

He'll be gone all day long.

You could come to his place

if you want.

I'm afraid I still have my pride,

darling.

I won't meet you

at this old f***er's place.

I guess you won't

see me today then, will you?

Okay.

What's the address?

Well, I hope that

cleared things up for you.

What?

Excuse me.

Don't tell me sex with Grandpa

was better than with me.

You're not in competition with him,

Francis.

Besides, one wasn't better

than the other, just different.

They better damn well be different.

He can't control his bladder

and wears diapers...

...and I'm a young stallion

in my prime.

- How different?

- Just different.

- Forget I said anything.

- No, no. Elaborate.

It might be enlightening

to understand how...

...sex might be different

with a fossil.

Okay, but don't get mad, all right?

I faked my orgasm with you.

So?

I didn't have to with Papa.

I got you.

Don't be mad.

You wanted to know.

No, I really didn't.

Don't pull this jealous bullshit

with me.

I can sleep with whomever I want.

I'm not the one that's married.

You are.

You really had an orgasm?

Pardon my asking, Tom,

but how old are you?

Sixty-eight.

I was wondering, more out of

curiosity than anything...

...if a guy your age...

...can still...

...have sex?

Only when the wife gives me the okay.

So you can still perform, then,

if she says so?

Sure! In fact, she says I'm better

now than when I was in my 20s.

Great.

That's terrific, Tom.

This apartment of ours,

how long have you lived there?

Almost two years. Isn't it great?

It is. It's a little small, though.

- But it's cozy.

- Cozy.

It's funny, when I took a shower...

...there was no hot water.

I wasn't too cozy.

Oh, we never have

hot water on weekends.

Really?

There's a big hole

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