Sex Guaranteed

Synopsis: Kevin has sworn off sex to win back his former fiancé when he meets a beautiful escort named Zade. Over the course of a legendary party, Zade just might provide the spark that this heartbroken idealist needs to turn his life around.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Brad Barnes, Todd Barnes
Production: C Plus Pictures
81 min

money to buy joke furniture is...

probably an asshole.

It wasn't meant to be funny.

Oh, shit. I'm sorry. No, you...

you have a really great house.

What's your name?

- Kevin.

- What do you say, Kev?

Call me Hank.

You should come to my party tonight.

There's gonna be a lot of women here

and... a lot of these ladies are...

they'd be high on narcotics.

Oh. No, I'm good.

Are you? Are you good?

You're okay.

- [mutters] Shit.

- Hey!

Party starts at eight. Hope to see you.

Oh, and... if you want

the hand chair, it's yours.

[dance music playing]

Oh, I don't know...

- I mean, I feel sad for him.

- What does he do?

- Huh?

- What is he doing up there?

He's a roofer. He's roofing

up on the house, you know?

And he wasn't, he was a nice guy.

I mean, I didn't get to talk to him, but...

He shouldn't be giving people roofies, man.

[Steve] Show me that cork trick again.

[Gary] He showed you like 30 times.

[Kevin] It takes brains, bro.

Whatever. At least I don't

think my fucking dick is cursed.

What did I say? I don't

wanna talk about it.

Why? Just tell us, come on.

He sounds like an idiot

when he talks about it.

No, because every time I even think

about sex, something bad happens.

And you bring up Angie today,

and I nearly take off my thumb

with a fucking claw hammer.

- Let me see, let me see that.

- My dick is cursed, end of story.

Listen, you had a string

of bad luck, right?

Your dick's not fucking cursed, okay?

I don't know. Maybe if I

just stopped fucking around...

you know, make me...

maybe she'll take me back.


Okay. Let's just get back to

the curse of the wretched dick.

So, you think it's possessed,

or is it surrounded by,

like, paranormal activity?

[everyone laughs]

[Hank] Such a good looking kid.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Sex Guaranteed" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 7 Aug. 2020. <>.

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