Secretary Page #2

It's so good to hear your voice.

Dad... where are you?

I'm downtown... somewhere.

Could you pIease hold?

Do you have a message, Ms. O'Connor?

Tell him to sign the settlement.

Hello?

Hello... ?

Hello, Dad?

How's work?

Fine.

How's Mr. Grey?

He's fine.

Well... Peter called.

Some people have to wash something...

as soon as they've worn it

for like half a day.

Yes.

- And then you got...

your more laid-back folk, who will

wash this stuff when it's dirty.

Which kind are you?

I'm the type of guy...

who wants to get married

and have a kid.

I wash my clothes

just when they're dirty.

Me too, and that

is what counts in a relationship.

Compatibility.

In a relationship?

- In a...

relationship.

May I interest you

in a little more?

Just a little more?

- Why not? Okay.

You're different than you were

in high school, Peter.

I've changed.

What happened?

- I had a nervous breakdown.

Me too.

Sort of.

Tom, I have this and these.

Peter?

- Yes, Lee?

I've read that if you wear that

kind of underwear that it squeezes...

your 'thingies.'

Balls... my balls?

- Yes.

My 'grapes'?

- Your grapes.

My...

- Your testicIes.

Your sperm gets 'squozen'

and then you can't have babies...

and I thought that you said

that you wanted to have babies.

There you go,

I said it.

To babies.

Diapers.

Diaper rash.

Breast feeding and crying.

Vomit.

Look at it.

Do you see that?

- What?

This letter has

three typing errors in it,

one of which is,

I believe, a spelling error.

I'm sorry.

- This isn't the first time, either.

There have been others

that I let go...

in the first few weeks.

This cannot go on.

Do you know what this

makes me look like...

to the peopIe who receive

these letters?

I'm sorry.

Type it again...

and get it right.

You're wasting my time.

Bye.

Go type up a bill

for that woman for $500.

Aren't you going

to proofread the letter?

Lee...

when peopIe come

into this office,...

you are a visual

representation of my business...

and the way

you dress is disgusting.

Sorry.

You're tapping your toe all the time

and playing with your hair.

You're either going

to have to wear a hair net

or stop playing with your hair.

And another thing...

do you realize that you

are always sniffling?

I'm sniffling?

And what is with

your tongue...

when you're typing?

I'm sorry,

I didn't know I sniffled.

Well, you do.

'Mr. Grey...

thank you so much for

your helpful suggestions.

Because I am trying to be...

the very best secretary

that I can be for you.'

The sentence should read,...

'Without proper guidance

from a knowledgeable source,...

my client would never have made...

these material decisions

on her own.' Period!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes