Screwed Page #2

who would like to say a few words.

DEANO:
What you got to realise

is that it's all a work of art.

It's a sculpture like an art form.

It's a thing of beauty.

Deano!

Right, gentleman, new faces time.

So I thought I'd just pop down

and welcome them aboard to the D wing.

We have Curtis Nelson.

Niall Brody and Sam Norwood.

I am the wing governor.

My name is Maurice Keenan.

You will address me

as Guv, Sir or Mr Keenan.

JAMIE:
(SOFTLY) Or receding c*nt.

(LAuGHING)

So we get things clear from the start,

this is my wing.

The regime and how it runs

is organised by me.

The rules you adhere to are mine

and they are there because this is real.

People can, and do get hurt.

It needs a tight ship

and I'm the captain.

So welcome aboard.

I hope you all do well.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

(INMATE SHOUTING)

PRISON OFFICER:
Eddie!

I got one refusing court up here!

Direct order.

Last chance or bend him up.

Sweet.

INMATE:
F***'s sake, blood,

I need my meds.

EDDIE:
Never mind your meds, you c*nt!

If you kick that again,

you're going to need a f***ing doctor.

INNIATE:
Sorry, guv!

Hello, sir, I'm working

on here with you today.

How you doing, son?

-Eddie.

-Mr Norwood.

Right.

Forget the training school bollocks.

We'd get f*** all done.

If the cons know your first name,

they're not going to hunt you olown

and kill you. All right?

So they can know it.

Just don't let them use it.

Right. It's Sam.

Aye, smells

like a musty butchers right enough.

But trust me,

you'll be breathing that in

like it's a bunch of daisies,

after you've to deal

with some scroat on a dirty protest.

On what?

A sh*t-up.

Dulux of the arse.

Nice!

SAM:
How long you done then?

EDDIE:
Only 10 years.

Right, come on then,

you do that side of the landing,

I'll do this one.

What, on me own?

Aye. And I'm throwing you

in the deep end.

First door's some f***ing nutjob

called Bear,

who's just been transferred down

from Wakefield.

Bear?

Real name's Justin de Souza.

Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on you.

Morning, guv,

don't look very nice out there today.

Does it?

(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

(LAuGHING)

What?

SAM:
I didn't think there'd be

so many of them.

EDDIE:
I know.

EDDIE:
Just 10 of us looking after

over 350 cons.

Not just council tax dodgers.

The lot come in here.

There's probably about half a dozen

Cat A prisoners on the wing

at this moment.

It's a f***ing tinderbox

-Come on.

-You f***ing little c*nt.

Did Keenan give you his usual

welcome ceremony

about it being his wing?

Yeah!

It's f***ing bollocks, that!

The scroats run the wing,

we're just the visitors.

(LAuGHING)

How you doing, mate?

STEADMAN:
F***ing hell, how are you?

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