Screwed

Synopsis: A chauffeur kidnaps his rich boss's dog to hold it for ransom, but when she accidentally gets the dog back, she thinks that it's the chauffeur who's been kidnapped.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Production: Universal Pictures
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
7
Rotten Tomatoes:
13%
PG-13
Year:
2000
81 min
Website
206 Views


- Open it!

- You are a good woman.

- What's this?

- Your favorite.

Mincemeat pie.

Where the hell is my suit?

Goodness gracious! Sakes alive!

I thought you'd like it.

- Like it?

- Yes.

And I put a pair of cuff links in there

as well.

You went all out, didn't you?

A pair of crackerjack cuff links

and one shitty pie!

What are you doing?

I thought we were going

to Leroy's Christmas kegger?

Miss Crock said

I gotta spend a night in the box.

Damn! It's more like in Filipino prison.

- "Get in that sweatbox!"

- Leave me alone!

Fine.

Feliz Navidad.

Just in case you get hungry.

Beat it. This is my dinner.

You rat, I'll squash you.

Come here.

I can't believe I've tolerated him

for as long as I have.

He's just a user.

Willard's exploited your generosity.

That's exactly right.

I mean his father, Teddy, was a nice man.

- But enough is enough.

- Really.

Well, tomorrow, we'll...

...fire him.

Throw his stuff in the furnace.

- Santa Claus must be stopped.

- There will be no Christmas this year.

You got that right.

You're not gonna believe this.

The old grinch is gonna fire me.

It's ridiculous.

Why would someone fire their slave?

Because she's mean.

She picked Christmas Day to do it.

Damn! You need revenge.

- Revenge! We need revenge!

- Revenge! We need revenge!

Let's kidnap Santa Claus. We'll break

into his toy shop and seize him!

Maybe those moon men are...

...onto something.

- You mean we should kidnap Santa?

Wait a minute.

Why don't we just kidnap Miss Crock?

- No, it's crazy.

- No, that's brilliant!

We'll grab Granny

and hold her ass for ransom.

And if they don't pay,

we start hacking off her fingers.

First her thumb, then her pointer...

...then her little nasty finger.

What are you talking about?

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Scott Alexander

Scott Alexander was born on June 16, 1963 in Los Angeles, California, USA. He is a writer and producer, known for 1408 (2007), Ed Wood (1994) and Man on the Moon (1999). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Screwed" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 7 Dec. 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/screwed_17653>.

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