School for Scoundrels Page #3

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said manila.

This is off-white.

Sorry.

Sorry doesn't

make it manila.

Next time, use

your damn brain.

End of the hall.

What's going on?

I don't know.

Who is this guy?

I hope he's not

our teacher.

Hey, no chitchat!

Oh. Here, sorry.

No, don't be silly-

it's all yours.

I'm fine.

I could totally stand.

Don't be crazy, okay?

I could use the exercise.

I'll find...

Would one of you sit

in the goddamn chair?

Look at the two of you.

I mean, uh, "I could

use the exercise"?

That doesn't even

make any sense.

Sorry.

Well, congratulations.

In a room full of weak men,

you stand alone as the weakest.

Here, sit in my chair.

Come on, sit.

Tell me something-

are you a loser?

I asked you a question-

are... you... a... loser?

Um... yes?

No.

You see, a loser is someone

who tries but fails,

who shoots but misses.

But I got a suspicion

that you don't take

any shots.

Show of hands.

How many of you retards

own a self-help book?

Well, that's your first problem.

You can't help yourself

because yourself sucks.

If you're helping yourself,

that means you're being helped

by a complete a**hole.

So ignore yourself.

Do what I say instead.

Short sleeves,

what was the first thing

you did when you were born?

I- I don't know.

Anybody?

You screamed your asses off

for what you wanted.

And what did you want?

Okay.

The tit.

You wanted a tit,

and you got the tit.

Trouble is, I don't see anyone

in this room who's willing

to scream for anything anymore.

I want the tit!

Well, see? That's better.

That's what I'm talking about.

I like this guy.

Yeah, he seems kind of sweet.

Excuse me, um, s-sir?

Dr. P.

What exactly does

this class teach?

What?

Well, my friend

seemed to imply

that this was more of

a confidence-building...

This is not a goddamn

Tony Robbins seminar.

If you're looking

for Chicken Soup for the Soul,

just get the f***

out of here.

Um, I'm sorry.

Never be sorry.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I mean...

I mean, um...

Never mind.

I have a question.

Uh, my wife says I'm a pushover,

but what if deep down inside

I'm really just a nice guy?

F*** nice.

That's a bunch of dog sh*t.

That's it for today.

I'm sick of looking

at your faces.

Excuse me, um,

will every class run

five minutes and 25...

Wait, please. That...

contains very important mat...

Goodness.

d d

d d

Be a good boy.

All right, I'll be

back in a little bit.

Great. Bye.

Geez, you scared me, Roger.

I'm sorry.

What are you doing,

just hanging out in here?

No, I'm... I was

throwing some stuff out.

I heard someone

coming and...

Penguins, huh? Hmm.

I always saw you more as

a flannel pj's kind of guy.

I have those, too.

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