Scary Movie 5 Page #2

How many times

have I told you guys,

mall se curity is just as

important as real police.

It is !

Loitering and stealing

pennies from the fountain

are serious crimes that carry--

Mom says you're a loser anyway.

Well, Mom says you have

a fat ass.

Dad left be cause he hated you.

No, he left be cause

he hated you.

He wasn't even your

real dad anyway.

You know, I read your diary,

Miss "Boo hoo, my gym teacher

molested me."

- Dork.

- Dyke.

What?

Excuse me, I don't mean

to interrupt this family reunion,

but are you actually working

on this case, officer?

Primessuspekt.

Doughy Primessuspekt.

And, yes I am.

It te chnically, falls under

my jurisdiction be cause

"The Killer's" costume was stolen

from the Spencers at my mall,

that, and some whoopee

cushions and some fake dog sh*t.

Pardon me, "canine" sh*t,

who cares about that crap?

I do.

A cool kid was gutted

last night.

Come on, it's probably some

harmless high s chool prank.

Look, this is lame.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, you guys, I got an idea !

Let's all make a pact

to lose our virginities

before graduation.

I'm in.

In unison:

We're not.

Yeah, me neither.

Yeah !

Little bastards.

I could just kill 'em.

Yeah, but you didn't,

did you?

I'm just kidding you.

No really--

You didn't kill them, did you?

So, you're one of those

network reporters, huh?

Actually cable.

But that's just as important.

Oh, it's more important.

Be cause on cable you can

see butts and boobies,

and you can say bullshit

and bastard.

So, do you actually have

any inside dirt?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Killer boots.

Thanks, I like yours too.

Thanks.

I guess I'll see you later.

I hope so.

- Oh, sorry.

- That's okay.

Come on, lard-ass !

I'm gonna keep

my eye on her.

She's got class.

Attention students:

The band fundraiser

will be held next Thursday

in the auditorium.

Lick'er in the front,

poker in the rear.

I didn't do it!

We didn't say you did it.

Boner, you couldn't get laid

at Lilith Fair...

much less kill somebody.

I could too.

Well, kill somebody I mean.

I could kill all of you.

But I wouldn't.

Oh.

That's what I'm saying.

I didn't do it.

Now Slab...

he's a killer.

Just look at those earlobes.

Way low.

Really?

H mmm. Skinny mirror.

That guy looks really familiar.

That's Spacey, Dawson.

He's banging the French teacher.

Really?

She's from France.

Paris, France.

Madame La Tourneau.

Yeah, he says

the sex is awesome.

Lucky dog.

Au revoir, Spacey.

Call me later.

Say bye-bye to Pa-pa.

Bye-bye.

- Hey, Martina.

- No, Boner.

Hey, Dawson, do you have

any lotion I can borrow?

It's for my rash.

I've got to go to class.

Okay.

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