Santa's Slay Page #5

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A little odd, but...

not bananas.

A little odd?

You wanna talk | about a little odd?

Odd is being a member | of the Rifle of the Month Club.

Odd is when all the available | wall space in your house is covered

with the head of an endangered | or extinct animal.

Odd is someone's father I know.

I'm sorry, Nicholas.

I'm sorry I even | came over here tonight.

...just backed | right into him, oh!

Yeah, you got my number.

Call me when you're ready | for a more mature relationship.

Merry Christmas.

"The townspeople | would have a Mass of Christ,

or a Christ Mass,

where they would pray | to their Lord..."

God, Grandpa.

Lord save us...

"Hearing their call,

God sent down one of his | angel generals from the heavens.

The angel took the form | of an old man.

He encountered the young, ill-tempered | Santa not far from his home.

Santa was ice fishing | with the ornery little people,

the elves, on a frozen lake.

Help, please Santa, help. | Help, I don't wanna...

Knowing the son of Satan | was a gambling sort,

the angel challenged him | to a contest.

The contest was a simple one:

Who could slide a rock | across the lake

and land it closest | to the ice fishing hole

without the rock falling in.

If Santa won the contest, he would | deliver the confident old man

to his father for an eternity | of pain and suffering.

If the old man | won the contest,

Santa would not only | have to cease

the Day of Slayings | for the next 1,000 years,

but would also have to turn | the Dag of Mord, Day of Slayings,

into a Dag of Glee, | Day of Joy.

Santa thought this was as close | to a sure wager as could be.

There was no way a mere mortal | was gonna be able

to defeat him at anything.

Santa was so sure of himself | that he went first.

Woo hoo! | Yay, Santa. Go!

His rock landed as close | as it could possibly be

to the hole | without going in it.

Next was the old mars turn.

- The old mars rock... | - No, no, no!

Skidded slowly along.

Oh no!

And it came to rest | touching Santa's rock

with just enough momentum to push | Santa's stone over into the hole.

The old man had won."

Sh*t. That was exactly | 1,000 years ago.

The bet's over.

Hooyaa!

Ho, ho, ho.

He's nuts.

Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, | hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah.

Angels, I think Santa | has left you some surprises.

I can't wait to see | the sh*t we got.

Can we open our motherfucking | presents now?

- Of course. | - Go ahead, kids.

Let's see what Santa got you.

F***.

And finally, | a moment of silence

for the victims of that tragic fire | that took place last night

at the community eye sore, | Gold Diggers.

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