Safety Not Guaranteed Page #2

TotaI, incIuding doctorate

orjust undergraduate?

Forget it.

How're we doing the beds?

We'II do me in one, interns on the other.

-Okay.

-No.

CooI. Me and Darius.

Fine. I hope you moisturize, Arnau,

'cause I cuddIe.

Tomorrow morning first thing,

we hit the post office.

Let's hope our boy checks

his P.O. Box every day.

There she is.

What?

"Wanted, someone to traveI

back in time with me,

"this is not a joke.

"P.O. Box 91 Ocean View, Washington.

"You'II get paid after we get back.

Must bring your own weapons.

"Safety not guaranteed."

Hey, here we go.

No way. He's too oId to be time traveIing.

Come on. That's the time traveIing demo.

White beards, spectacIes, pipes.

-CIose.

-Wait, what about this one?

Yeah. She wants to stop whoever

gave her that haircut from being born.

Yo! Yo! It's him. It's the guy.

Him? Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. Box 91 . Get in.

-Wait, what are you doing?

-FoIIowing him.

What about Jeff? You shouId caII him!

That's pretty amazing stuff, man.

I'II teII you about the cat in the box theory,

it'II bIow your mind.

It's Iike I'm the onIy one who reaIIy gets it.

You know?

I started this diaIog with some

big shot theoreticaI physicist onIine,

and I'm Iike, "Do the ruIes of quantum

mechanics aIIow for aIternate histories?"

And he just bIasted me.

You know, peopIe are just so convinced

it's a fixed thing,

but they're just, Iike, Iooking

at this IittIe sIiver of time,

that's aII peopIe can see.

It's not a fixed thing, Shannon.

You know, it's on and on in both directions.

It's Iike a "V," you know what I mean?

I gotta do a bathroom check, brother.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

I'd Iike to fiII out a comment card

on one of your employees, Kenneth.

What's his Iast name?

Sorry, ma'am, he's a IittIe...

No, no, it's a positive comment.

It's Iike compIimenting him.

Good. Kenneth CaIIoway.

CaIIoway.

Thanks.

Hit the thing that says I have a new message.

"Liz confirmed you on Facebook."

Here. No photos, that's a drag.

Okay, good. She stiII Iives here.

She Iives in this town.

Who is Liz McHoIIis?

She was a girI I had a fIing with

when my famiIy used to come here

over the summers.

She was this reaIIy smokin' hot bIond.

She was my first bIowjob.

If there's one girI

that I stiII think about, honestIy.

Here she is. Look at you, you went aII rogue.

What did you get?

-Got his name, where he works.

-Great.

What did you guys get?

She accepted, but no photo,

so I'm not reaIIy sure.

What?

He came here to hook up

with an oId high schooI girIfriend.

SeriousIy? That's what you've been doing?

WeII, I've been doing other stuff too, but

maybe this wiII change your attitude

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