Russell Peters: Almost Famous Page #3

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-You good?

-Pretty good.

-You still throw down on it?

-Pretty well. Yeah.

Yeah. So, you wanted to be a musician.

I know what happened.

Tell me if I'm right.

You're about 17, 18 years old.

You're sitting in your room,

playing with your...

"guitar."

And...

you were thinking,

"I'm gonna be a musician."

Your mom walked in and went, "Sandoo..."

That's all you need for a nickname.

All you need is add two O's

to whatever you want the nickname to be.

Sandoo. Like.. Like Edward, Edwoo.

Well, that could be your name, Edwoo.

Sorry, that..

That didn't work,

'cause he might very well be an Ed Woo.

Your mom walked in:

"Sandoo...

you're going to college.

Why don't you become a doctor?"

And you were like,

"What's wrong with your face?"

"If you become a doctor, you can fix it."

So, you put your guitar

down and picked up a stethoscope,

and it was all over after that.

That's why I could never go to you.

I don't want my doctor to have had

other dreams about being something else.

My doctor in America

is gonna be a black guy from the 'hood

who grew up with every disadvantage.

Real 'hood.

Like in the "'hood" 'hood.

Where the..

Where people were like, "Yo, coz,

let's go kill some motherfuckers today."

I want my doctor to be the guy

that says, "No, man.

I'm gonna be a doctor."

And everybody in the 'hood was like,

"Ain't nobody f*** with Daverel,

he gonna be a doctor and sh*t."

That's how I know I got the right doctor,

'cause he'll say "and sh*t"

at the end of sentences.

Look pissed off when I walk

into the office. That's the doctor I want.

"Hi, Mr. Peters.

Seems your nasal passage is inflamed

and sh*t.

You fill out

this little b*tch-ass prescription.

Holler at me tomorrow, motherf***er."

That's the right doctor for me.

I don't want my doctor to be some bratty

Indian kid who grew up in Mississauga.

When he's doing an operation,

he just goes, "F*** this sh*t.

I wanna play guitar."

Then the black guy has to run in,

"Don't worry, dog. I got this.

It's gonna hurt and sh*t."

I never had to worry

about doing anything great with my life.

I didn't. I didn't have that pressure.

I didn't have that Indian pressure

that a lot of Indian kids have.

"Do something great."

My parents knew I was an idiot.

From a very young age,

my parents were like, "Oh, man."

I was a terrible student. I hated school.

I never had to work, my parents..

My parents never had careers.

They never had professions.

They just had jobs.

There are no professionals

in my family on either side.

Just a bunch of dummies.

You know what I mean?

But regular hard-working people.

Just regular jobs.

My mom worked in Kmart.

Not.. Not in head office, in the store.

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