Rodney Carrington: Here Comes the Truth Page #3

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[laughter, whooping]

Wouldn't you like to have seen

the stuff He sketched out,

long before he decided

on what he decided on?

It must have been awful

for him to come to the conclusion

that a sack with two balls

and hair all over it was his best option.

[laughter]

Because at some point he went,

"Yeah, girls will love that."

[laughter]

I ain't met one that said, "Could you slap

those against my chin a little faster?"

"I must admit, you are a rare bird!

I might have to see you again, Darlene."

[laughter]

Aren't you glad he put it

where he put it, right here,

and not right here?

"You going to eat?"

"No, my balls stink."

"I gag every time I chew. Oh, f***!

But I can lick them."

"Quit licking your balls

at the dinner table.

Your dick is getting hard

and we have guests."

[laughter]

That's what I did.

It's amazing that we stay together.

We're so different.

I grew up with three young sisters.

I know a lot about you women.

You bleed 84 days out of the year.

And you stink.

Now, I'm not being shitty.

I'm just telling you the truth.

I can tell whether a woman is

on her period just by the way she smells.

I know. I didn't want that f***ing talent.

[laughter]

God gave me that. Who wants

that f***ing talent? I'll give it to you.

You walk past me in a grocery store,

I'll go, "Yep, she's on it."

A lot of you going, "That's horseshit."

Flip on the lights,

I'll sniff a few of you out.

[laughter]

Be real still. If you cover with your hand

I'll sniff through it.

I can smell up to 70 feet, alright?

A lot of women over here are going,

"Dear God, please don't let this happen."

And I'm not going to embarrass you.

But there's a few of you,

right in this area right here.

Right out of the damn box,

I can smell you.

You bleed 84 days out of the year,

you don't even get dizzy. That's amazing.

I cut my finger on the onion chopper

and went, "What the f***?"

[laughter]

We're not talking a finger prick

on an onion chopper,

we're talking about

a hatchet wound to the crotch.

That bleeds so much, you have to pack it

full of gauze to get it to go away.

[laughter]

And you do. You pack that sucker

full of gauze and go get the kids.

You pack it full of gauze

and you go to the grocery store.

Because you're

an angry, bloody, f***ing soldier.

[laughter]

I'm surprised more women don't say:

"I just can't take this sh*t.

I bleed. I stink. I want it gone.

If you can just f*** me in the ass..."

"Do you know how much I love you?"

[laughter]

"I know how much courage it took

for you to come to me and say that.

And I will f*** you in the ass...

until death do we part.

I love you."

I've seen childbirth

three times in person.

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