Robodoc Page #2
and executives.
It is my honor to serve as president
of RIP Healthcare.
As many of you know, I was the owner of the
Bionics and Medical Devices division for years,
what many of you don't know, however,
is that I was born without a heart.
There's no heartbeat.
This baby has no heart.
I was rushed to the neo-natal
intensive care unit,
and there received the first ever
fully-automated internal combustion
artificial heart
ever produced by
of RIP healthcare.
This baby saved my life.
And since the company saved my life,
I thought it was only my
duty to save the company.
And I have.
RIP Healthcare will enjoy a profit
of no less than $3 billion
But we do have a problem
You see, each year we lose literally
hundreds of millions of dollars
in medical malpractice lawsuits
brought against our doctors
by sleazy, slimy, low-life,
blood-sucking, leaching lawyers.
But what can we do?
We're a hospital.
We need doctors,
and doctors make mistakes.
After all, they're only human, right?
Not any more.
What if I were to tell you
that we can have a doctor that works
A doctor that knows everything,
a doctor that can do anything,
a doctor that makes no mistakes?
You'd say I was crazy.
You'd say I was
a raving lunatic, wouldn't you?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the future of medicine.
I give you medical device MD-63.
Made with the latest space-age composite
materials and microprocessors,
packing 350 gigabytes of RAM
and a 2.4 liter air-cooled engine,
MD-63 can effectively,
efficiently and inexpensively,
do the work of a dozen human doctors.
MD-63 will now demonstrate his ability
to perform the world's
fastest physical examination.
Ah, John from the mail room
was kind enough to volunteer
to be the first patient.
Okay.
MD-63...
...begin.
Oh, my gosh!
He's totally crushing that guy's nuts.
Shut him down!
- I'm trying!
- Shut him down!
We give you $3 billion of research money,
and you give us a defective,
ball-busting bucket of bolts.
Frank, how nice of you to stand up
and volunteer to be the next patient.
Meeting adjourned.
Let's go, hurry up.
You.
Get that high-tech, groin-grabbing,
crotch-crunching nutcracker fixed! Now.
Did you say North Mercy?
Did you say tomorrow?
Yes, have you got a problem with that?
No, no. No problem.
Good.
Because he will be in that hospital
tomorrow as a doctor,
or the two of you will be in the hospital
as patients.
Pasqual, stay with them,
make sure they get it done.
Look at my client!
Look at the hideous scar you left across
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"Robodoc" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/robodoc_17056>.
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