Robin Williams: Live on Broadway Page #5

---

Be there as my b*tches go at it.

At this point, even Caligula is going:

"What the f*** are you people doing?"

Why don't you have Hannibal Lector and Iron Sheff

just kick out the jams?

'Cause you got the chamber, the chair, fear factor.

People in Texas are going "We got those shows.

We just don't film them."

Two weeks ago, Supreme Court banned the execution of retarded

people.

People in Texas are going, "Sh*t, where's the fun in that?"

'Cause they were zapping retarded people every other week.

It was like, "Go sit on Santa's lap, Timmy."

And I know the definition of "retarded" in Texas is pretty

wide.

It's crazy!

Even a Taliban is going: "You are crazy mother f***ers!"

There was a guy with one leg. They wouldn't gonna give him a

wooden leg.

He's gonna be dead man hopping.

There's a moment of compassion. Before the lethal injection,

they do an alcohol swab. Which is so nice!

What the f*** are you doing?

We don't want you to get that last second infection!

It's all safe now.

You remember the Winter Olympics. They had them in Utah.

Great place!

What, was Amish country booked, what happened?

Common down to Salt Lake! We're gonna party like it's .

Bring your wives. Oops! Come on down!

At the closing ceremony they introduced

Donnie and Marie, as the first couple of Utah.

I went:
"Aha, honey, no! They're only a couple in Arkansas.

If you're going to Georgia, Ted Turner and Jane Fonda broke

up.

Jane found God and Ted found out it wasn't him.

About the Olympics once again,

we're talking about the figure skating.

I find the figure skating to be kinda sexy.

Not ice dancing, which is polka on Valium. That's not good.

That's that pair figure skating. There's one very special

lift.

Where the male skater goes...

Right here!

Where even a gynecologist would go: "Put on a glove, man!"

Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?

And I'm going:
"Let's cut the foreplay,

let's have ice f***ing, come on!"

Nipples aroused...

And she holds on without her hands!

Even the French judge would go: "I like it!"

"I don't care. I'm giving them the medal. F*** the

Canadians!"

"So fabulous!"

There's other kinda sexual thing in the Olympics: the louge,

about which I have only one question:

what drunken, German gynecologist invented this sport?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes