Robin Williams: Live on Broadway Page #3

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"Take your finger outta my ass, 'cause I'm leaving you

behind!"

Weird sh*t people do now. I'm sweatin' like crazy up here.

It's HBO, 'cause it's live.

People playing baseball. You've got a good seat.

Yankees are kicking the game, way to go!

They did a good job. They came through.

Everybody's worried about people playing baseball on

steroids.

Here's one quick way you tell:

on steroids, your balls shrink and your head grows.

So if someone steps up to the plate

with a Mardi Gras head and Raisinettes, you're out!

Poor Barry Bonds! They won't pitch to him

and when they do it, they're trying to kill him.

He's like Yasser Arafat of baseball.

For Jerusalem I have an interesting plan.

It's called a timeshare, like Miami, let's try that.

Jews will get Hanukah and Passover,

Christians will get Christmas and Easter

and Muslims will have Ramadan and the other holiday, Kaboom.

Obviously, the people of HBO are going "Oh, f*** off.

What are you doing, you a**hole."

I'm very excited because this is my time

when I was watching World Cup Soccer, my man.

I saw world cup, baby.

There's a few soccer fans, the rest of you are going:

"Uh, that's like football without pads, right?"

For the rest of the world, it's football.

For us, it's "A strange sport, played by damaged people."

We made it in the World Cup. Everyone plays it.

Not like the World Series, 'cause the French don't have a

baseball team.

If they did, they would only have left field and no one would

be safe.

You know what I'm saying?

What can you do, huh? It is Bastille day, alore.

The day that Marie Antoinette gave the ultimate head. Look

out!

We are French. F*** you, Americans, I don't care!

My friend Lance Armstrong is racing right now in The Tour du

France.

And every year the French go, "He is on chemicals."

"It's chemotherapy, you little toad suckers."

Okay, he has one testicle, he's aerodynamic.

Everyone, cut off your balls. You'll be quicker.

Do it. Don't be afraid."

When you look at the World Cup, America finally made it.

We made it to the sixteenth, baby!

We're no longer in the "Special Olympics" category.

They used to see us coming: "Give it to them, they're damaged

people"!

Thank you for the ball. I got a ball. I kick the ball!

Unlike the Brazilians. When they play is like...

And the fans...

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