Road Trip Page #2

- Yes, sir.

- Well, you better be ready.

Because I was

looking over the books last night

and you need a B on this test

just to pass this class.

Actually,

I double-checked that, Professor.

He needs a B+.

We can't bend on this.

I got it.

- Just copy off someone.

- I can't. It's all essays.

If I fail this class,

my average is shot.

I might lose my financial aid

or not be allowed back.

Well, you're f***ed, then.

So come to my party, hook up

with Beth, and enjoy your last week.

I'm not hooking up with anyone.

I'm invested in this relationship.

Invested? Who are you, Charles

Schwab? Listen to yourself!

I would give my life...

for one evening

of consensual sex with that girl.

I've gone this long without cheating.

You're already cheating!

Any time you pass up sex

you cheat yourself.

The window of opportunity

to drink and do drugs

and take advantage

of young girls is shrinking daily.

I gotta make a call.

I'm telling you, you pass this up,

it'll haunt you forever.

Your dick will never forgive you.

What do you think, man? Don't you

want to experience something new?

(Squeaky voice)

It ain't easy being Josh's penis.

We've been here two months,

and I feel like I'm in a coma.

- Stop it.

- I wish I was your dick, EL.

If something doesn't happen soon,

I'm gonna leave.

- Enough.

- (Girl) 'Hello? '

Carla, it's Josh. Sorry to bother

you, is Tiffany around?

Tiffany is not here.

She didn't sleep here

last night...again.

And it would be great

if for one hour you didn't call.

- Right.

- If she wanted to talk to you

she'd call you.

Deal with it.

- You b*tch!

- Does she sound hot??

We've never gone this long

without talking. Something's wrong.

She found someone else,

like you should.

The clock is ticking. Before you know

it you'll be 40 and paying for girls.

# She good-looking

got a mojo cooking

# Yeah, wouldn't give me

the time of day

# But if my occupation

was stars and constellations

# We could get together

in the Milky Way

# And everybody wanna know somebody

# Everyone wants to drop your name

# You need no reservation

no special invitation

# No college education

if you've got fortune and fame... #

Oh, yeah! Whoo-hoo!

I should really warn you,

it's been known to affect

your decision-making abilities

and lower your inhibitions.

Good. That's the plan.

No, that-that's...

Yes, that is the plan.

- You bring cash?

- Why?

- We've got chicks for sale.

- What??

# Hey, now I'm snappy

got my mojo... #

Trust me. I've been goin'

to this school seven years

and I know the key

to a well-rounded college education

is experimentation.

Let me show you.

This is an auction. Remember...

you are not buying the girl,

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